#7

"DRESSED TO KILL"
by Dallas Lee

There was a disturbance in The Green.

And with it came the Swamp Thing.

“What is your business here?” asked Edward the Great. “State yourself!”

The Swamp Thing looked about the scene in the cave. He saw the two giant spiders as they turned away from their webbed food of human flesh. Their fangs, dripping whet with blood-thirst, opened-and-closed as they surveyed new prey. Edward the Great was bouncing around in his loin cloth, fat rolls and long strands of greasy hair dripping with hot sweat. And, in one of the two cages, one which held the bodies of Artie and Alice Mesburger, along with Chin the bayou tourist guide, Condor “The Hammer” Nail.

Condor seemed to ignore the fact that he was staring at a living vegetable. After having seen two giant spiders, and the grotesquerie that was Edward the Great, nothing seemed left that could faze him.

“What are you looking at, man?” asked Condor. “Get me the hell out of here!”

Swamp Thing moved from inside the mouth of the cave. He headed towards Condor’s cage, but was blocked by the giant black widows.

“Get him, my babies!” screamed Edward the Great. “Get him!”

One of the spiders leaped at Swamp Thing. It collided with him, dropping him to the floor of the cave. The muck monster wrestled with it, ignoring its fangs as it bit through his verdant shoulder, ripping away slimy green flesh. Swamp Thing picked it up by its belly and flung it across the cave. It landed against a nearby wall, where it immediately moved into an attack position behind Edward the Great.

“That’s one score for you, green man,” said Condor. “Now what about getting me out of this cage?”

Swamp Thing ignored Edward the Great and his two “pets” as he strode across the cave. He reached out; taking the cage’s lock in his hand, and tore it off. Condor, in a fighting position, leaped out.

“Alright fat man,” he said. “Now it’s my turn.”

Condor leaped across the cave. He jumped on top of Edward the Great, spilling him onto the floor. He began to land heavy blows with his fists, splitting open Edward’s doughy face.

Swamp Thing moved towards the giant spiders.

Again, one of them leaped atop him.

He took it by its legs and twirled it about, creating a windstorm as he went faster-and-faster. Finally, the monster’s legs tore from their sockets. It sailed across the cave where it impacted against a far wall. Its body burst open in a mucous brown and green goo as it slid down the wall, dead.

Swamp Thing looked at the two bloody legs he was carrying in his fists and dropped them to the floor.

Behind him, Condor had his hands around Edward’s throat. He was bashing the fat man’s squat head into the hard ground. Blood, bone, and brain were flying about as he continued to smash his skull.

“You crazy bastard!” he screamed at the dead fat man. “Why did you do it? Why did you kill innocent people?”

Unknown to Condor and too fast for Swamp Thing to react, the last of the giant spiders leaped across the cave towards him. It landed on his back, driving him down onto Edward the Great’s corpse. Dripping death whet its fangs as the spider drove them deep into Condor’s back.

“Shee-it fire and save the matches,” said Condor as the venom began to pulse through his veins. “It’s got me!”

He was long dead before he hit the ground.

The Swamp Thing arched across the floor, driving the spider deeper into the bowels of the cave. Finally, with nowhere to run, its back against a wall, the spider turned to fight.

As Swamp Thing reached out to grab it, it scurried up the wall. Overtop of him, it let loose with a sticky web. Swamp Thing ripped through it just as the spider dropped down onto his head.

Twirling about in the cave, fighting to get the monster off of him, Swamp Thing reached up and grabbed its fangs. Already the spider had been injecting him with its poison, but to no avail. It did not have an affect on him. Swamp Thing took it by both its pincers and tore the beast apart, splitting it. He wiped away the bloody mucous fluid that bathed him.

Swamp Thing walked back to the mouth of the cave. He looked about at the carnage awaiting him.

He carried Condor’s lifeless body into the swamp. Then he returned for the corpses of Artie, Alice, and Chin

Back at the cave, he used a large boulder to strangle its opening. Then he covered it with enough vines and moss that it would be invisible to the human eye.

Outside, he bent down and gave the corpses the best burial that he could. He used his powers to cover them with fresh dirt, and then created a flora that blossomed over top of them.

“Such a terrible loss of good lives,” he muttered.

And then he walked off into the swamp, wiping at the tears that coursed from his eyes.

“I really don’t think this is any business of yours, Miss Arcane,” said Michael Caine. “And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

“I’m sorry,” said Abby. “It’s just that you, aside from the killer, were the last person to see Barbara alive. I just wanted to know what she said to you. Since she wasn’t a patient of yours, I thought you might be able to do that for me.”

“I’ve already given that information,” said Caine, “to the police.”

Abby sighed.

“What do you want to know for, anyway?” asked Caine. “I don’t see how it could be so important.”

“It’s just that Barbara seemed so intent on seeing you,” said Abby. “I thought she might have told you more about her plans on returning home. She didn’t seem to have much to tell me, so I figured she might have you.”

“Maybe she didn’t tell you more because there wasn’t anything to tell,” said Caine. “As a matter of fact, she never mentioned returning home. That’s news to me.”

“She just wanted to talk about Johnny?”

“Yes,” replied Caine. “She invited me to attend his funeral, but I had other appointments to attend to. It was very unfortunate for me, as I greatly enjoyed Johnny’s company.”

Abby thought about Johnny’s funeral. It had been a beautiful service. The only sad part was that she was now going to have to go to Barbara’s funeral, too. The one good thing that could come out of it was that they were now going to be buried side-by-side.

“It was nice,” said Abby. “It’s a shame you couldn’t have been there.”

“As I’ve said,” replied Caine, “it was quite unfortunate. However” – he took a moment to light his pipe – “it might have worked out for the best. I took the time to phone the police. I might know who the killer is.”

“Is that true?” asked Abby. She sniffed at the cherry tobacco that was filling the office. She had to admit that it smelled wonderfully.

“Is there any reason why you think I might lie?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Abby. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Of course not,” replied Caine. “But yes, I told them that it might be a former patient of mine. I’ve been receiving, shall we say, rather ominous phone calls from someone I used to counsel. They’ve told me that murder was on their mind.” He puffed on his pipe. “So I figured that the police needed to know.”

“I think that was wise of you,” said Abby. “But I still can’t understand why anyone would want to kill Johnny and Barbara. They were such sweet people.”

“I have more pressing matters to see to.”

“Okay,” said Abby. “I thank you for your time.”

“Mention nothing of it.”

As Abby stood up, she took notice of all the clocks in Caine’s office. She forced a wry smile onto her lips.

“I bet you never lose track of time,” she said.

Caine laughed. It was one of the first times that he had shown any emotion since she’d entered the office.

“That’s something that all my clients tell me,” said Caine. “It’s become something of a running joke.”

“Yes, well, thank you,” replied Abby. “I hope to see you at Barbara’s funeral.”

“I doubt you will. I didn’t know the poor girl all that well.”

Abby nodded. Then she made to exit the office. She glanced back at Caine. Already he was lost in the open folder that was splayed on his desk.

Outside his office, Abby headed towards the elevator. She paused, thinking about Caine going to the police. It would be a godsend to capture the individual who had killed both Johnny and Barbara. She’d love to see him-or-her burn in Hell.

For a moment, she thought about Hell. And with that came memories of her father, Anton; who was still trapped in the belly of Hades. It made her skin crawl.

“Oh God,” she muttered. “What a thought.”

Sighing, she opted not to wait for the elevator. Instead, she walked down the hallway to the fire exit. She pushed open the door and strode into the stairwell. Aside from EXIT signs, which letters seemed to run a blood red, there were only dim light bulbs to light the way.

“Everywhere you go,” she told herself, “life seems to be dark.”

For a moment, her mind turned to the Swamp Thing. It wouldn’t be much longer before she’d need to go and see him. Sending Tefe out to see him had awakened that spot in her heart that she couldn’t avoid. She couldn’t deny that she still loved him.

“Oh girl,” she said. “What tangled webs you weave.”

That’s when she heard the fire door from above open up. She glanced back the way she came. She couldn’t avoid that chill that ran up her spine.

“Hello?”

There was no answer.

Suddenly, stepping from the shadows, a woman appeared. Abby could make out the flowing blond hair that reached down to her shoulders. The sunglasses masked her eyes. She wore black gloves and a matching leather coat and pumps. Her white legs stuck out in contrast to the rest of her garb.

“You scared me,” said Abby, touching a hand to her heart. She let loose with a tiny laugh.

And that’s when she saw the glint of the straight-razor in the woman’s hand…

Tefe couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw him.

“Blaze?”

He appeared out of a cave. He approached her, a strange smile cracking open his stubbly face. His leather clothes were torn to shreds. His pants were now ragged shorts, and his jacket was sleeveless and tattered.

“Tefe,” he said. “What took you so long?”

“I’ve only been gone a couple of days,” replied Tefe. “Just like I told you I would.”

“Really?” said Blaze. “It seems like you’ve been gone for years.”

“What’s happened to you?” she asked. “You look terrible.”

“Well,” replied Blaze, “I certainly don’t feel that way.” He smiled and unfurled his arms, dancing around in a circle. “I haven’t felt better in my whole life.”

Tefe took a step forward. She reached out, wanting to touch Blaze, but he immediately drew back. A look of fear masked his face.

“Don’t touch me,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” said Tefe. “Don’t you want to come back with me?”

“Come back with you? Come back with you where?”

“To Earth,” she said. “Surely you don’t want to be stranded on this planet forever?”

Blaze threw back his head and laughed. It was a sound that made Tefe’s skin crawl.

“Hell no!” he cried. “There’s no way I want to return to that Godforsaken planet!”

“Why?”

“Why?” Blaze fixed her with a stern look. “Because I’m a king here,” he said. “I’m just nothing on Earth.”

“What do you mean you’re a ‘king’?” asked Tefe. “This is unbelievable.”

Blaze adopted a position that made Tefe think of gunslingers in those old Italian westerns.

“Come to me, my children!” he called.

From one of the caves behind Blaze, a tribe of people appeared. Their bodies were the color of burned ash, and they were naked. Men, women, and children came out, forming a circle around Blaze.

“Do you see?”

Tefe could only shake her head. She knew there was only one answer to this: “You ate the mushrooms, didn’t you?”

“I not only ate them,” said Blaze. “But I fucked them. I became one with them. And this is how I’ve been rewarded. These are my people. I’ve found the love I always wanted.”

Tefe felt tears well in her eyes. What was happening to her? Here was the man who had beat her to near death, and she was feeling abandonment. Her feelings were mixed… he wanted to be left on this planet, so why not? It didn’t seem to be bothering him.

“If this is what you want,” said Tefe, “I’ll leave you alone.”

“You do that,” said Blaze. He reached out to one of the naked women. He curled her into his arms and kissed her full on the lips. He gripped her buttocks. Then he looked at Tefe. “Get the fuck out of here.”

Tefe nodded, wiping away her tears. And then she left.

The awful thing was that she felt she left her heart on the gray planet with Blaze…

“You will either do as I say, you little bitch, or you’ll meet a fate worse than death.”

Lilly looked at Pilate Voorhees. She saw in his eyes the pure evil that seeped from his every pore. She looked at his buckteeth, protruding from his upper lip, and wondered why he hadn’t had them sharpened into fangs.

“You can’t do this to me,” she said. “Just look what you’ve done to Roy and Buck. They’re not even human, anymore.”

“No,” said Pilate. “They’re super-human. And I offer the same to you. Join with me, my dear Lilly, and we shall rule the world.”

“You’re insane,” she said. “And these monsters you’ve created… dear God.”

“You will come around to see my way,” replied Pilate. “All in due time, my dear, you will see.”

Pilate snapped his fingers. Two of his armed guards came over, taking Lilly by each arm. They led her into one of the cages, slamming the door behind her. Lilly screamed as she saw one of the monstrosities come towards her. It was a dog with two heads, and both of them were slobbering.

“Don’t let Lassies bother you,” said Pilate. “They’re both good dogs, I assure you.”

Lilly screamed and backed away into the cage.

Pilate sighed.

“What am I going to have to do to make you see my ways?” he said.

He walked over to Roy, who was still chained to the wall. Pilate pushed away the NO BULLSHIT ball cap and plucked the glass dome from Roy’s head. It fell on the floor with a crash. He then lifted Roy’s brain from outside his head. Sadly, Roy remained alive. His sorrowful eyes stared at Pilate.

Pilate walked back to Lilly’s cage.

“This is your brain with me,” he said, holding up the mass of gray matter. He then dropped it onto the floor. He stepped on the brain, exploding it beneath his shoe. “And that is your brain without me.”

And as suddenly as he was there, he turned and left her in the cage.

Lilly continued to scream. And she never took her eyes off the dead brain as the two-headed dog approached her…