Issue #7, Jan. Yr. 2

---

Long, Long ago in a place not too far away, there were a group of
people bounded together to share in their pain, in hopes of bettering
their lives and humanity in general. They were the Doom Patrol.
Brought together by Niles "Chief" Caulder, they lived, they fought,
they loved, and they died. And they came back, time and time again.
Same people, different people - the faces changed except one,

Clifford Steele aka Robotman.

---

 

FDC presents "Of his life, in the land"
by Gary Dreslinski

---

"I got your nose"
"No you don't - I do"
"Don't you listen to her, Daddy's the one that's got your nose. Oh yes I do, oh yes I do."
"That's bull - here it is right here."
"That's your thumb, isn't it... tell mommy that's just her big stupid thumb."
"Tell Daddy he's about to get whacked with a mallet."
"Tell Mommy that..."

WHACK

"See, she's smiling...who's Mommy's little girl?"
"She's smiling 'cause she can't wait to see Daddy hit Mommy with a sledge hammer."
"You wouldn't..."
"Yes I would."
"No you wouldn't - she wouldn't like that at all... would she?"
"Why don't we see?"

SLAM

WHACK

SLAM

WHACK WHACK WHACK

SLAM SLAM

WHACK WHACK SLAM

"Hey, give that back... Tell mommy that it's no fair to steal daddy's things. After all - stealing is wrong."
"But funny."
"Yes, wrong but funny. And we all know what is more important don't we?"
"Funny" "Wrong"
"What are you telling our child?" "What are you telling our child?"
"I can't believe you would..." "I can't believe that you would..."
"Stop saying the same..." "Stop saying the same..."
"Bugger" "Bugger"
"Toadstool" "Toadstool"
"Aardvark" "Aardvark"
"Beat the mommy" "Beat the mommy... I mean... arrgghghgh"

SLAM SLAM SLAM

WHACK WHACK

"Gimme a kiss"
"No"
"Right here"
"No way"
"Daddy won't give mommy a kiss for her booboo, mommy's gonna cry."
"For your booboo?"
"My hurt hurt"
"In the naughty naughty?"
"Maybe maybe"
"Whoo hoo... just show Dr. Daddy where it hurts."
"Right...about... HERE!"

WHACK WHACK WHACK

(SHOT TO THE CROTCH)
WHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK

eeeeeeeeee

"Can you help your daddy up off the floor darling? Come on, climb out of that high chair and crawl to daddy... or call 911."
"Daddy sounds like Elmo ... doesn't he pumpkin? You love when daddy talks like Elmo don't you? Talk like Elmo some more honey, she loves it."
"I really don't think that I..."

(SHOT TO THE CROTCH) WHACKWHACKWHACK

"Hello baby doll, it's me, Elmo... call an ambulance for Elmo baby doll.. cause Elmo feels like he's going to die right about now."

"She can't dial a phone."
"Why not?"
"She's only a five months old. How in the hell do you think she's going to be able to reverse the charges?"
"Granted, but she has to learn sooner or later."
"True, but I hardly think that this is the time or place."
"Maybe she could just..."
"No just. She's not learning speed dial until she's at least 2."
"But honey pumpkin pie."
"Don't call me that sugar bottom."
"Why not honey thighs?"
"Cause it makes me all squeaky."
"Squeaky squeak squeak?"
"Oh yeah babykins."
"Wanna go back to my place wink wink nod nod?"
"Whenever you want sailor."
"What if we just..."
"Nah"

YANK

PLOP

"No fair... this floor's cold."
"So's this..."

WHACK
WHACK
WHACK

"Oh, you know I love when you do that."

SLAM
SLAM SLAM
SLAM

"Oh baby more more..."

THUD
THUD
THUD

"Not so hard..."

SLAM
SLAM

WHACK
WHACKWHACK

"Stop it - it tickles..."

---

Nearby

"That is the one he told us about."

"Yes it is," his companion agreed, "The chosen one."

"Shall we...?"

His companion shook his head, "Not yet, let's watch and wait..."

"For what?"

"For the correct moment to come. His will be done, sooner or later."

"Blessed be the Chief."

"Blessed be."

He glanced over to where his companion was looking..."
"You're not watching the chosen one are you?"

"I... yes, of course I am."

"You're watching that unChiefly fornication."

"I, uh, was hoping for some insight on the pre-development of the chosen one."

"I believe you," he responded without meaning a single word of it,"No doubt this is a fascinating and unique process that... great Caulder!"

"I told you. This will tell us quite a bit of the nature of the early development of the chosen one."

"But... how can they do... at that angle..."

"It is truly a miracle," his companion agreed,"Such things were no doubt involved in the formation..."

"Of the chosen one," he interrupted, "I believe I've gotten your point. But we should probably act while we have the chance..."

---

Closer

The Man in Mauve watched the two members of the Cult of Niles Caulder watching the fornication of the two known as Punch and Jewelee. He watched them without speculation, or judgment. That was his task after all, to keep an eye on those who watched the Chosen One, to insure that events continued to move forward in such a way that would ultimately benefit the movement.

The Chosen One had to be brought to the proper spot, at the proper time, as did the others...

He watched the two members of the Cult of Niles Caulder continue to watch the continued fornication of Punch and Jewelee. He glanced over for a view himself. It was nothing he had not observed before, in a million galaxies, and in a million different ways. Although he did not think he had seen that position used in quite that way before. It seemed to be working though, which was, for carbon-based humanoids, the only thing that really seemed to matter.
He shifted his eyes back to the two watching. They did not seem to be performing their appointed task.

He glanced back to where the baby daughter of the two copulating was throwing her liquefied food around the room with delight.

He reached out his hand toward her, circumventing the idea of distance.
He picked her up from her highchair with a single motion.

She squealed in joy. Clearly, this was a child of destiny to recognize a proper action being taken.

The Man in Mauve glanced at the infant girl again, allowing himself a smile.

As human child went, she was what would have been called cute... not that it made much of a difference in the long run. Cute or hideous, she was but a tool for the Men in Mauve to carry out their agenda. Which, in the big picture, was all that anyone truly was. Just another piece of a puzzle, among other pieces, that mankind put names to in hopes of understanding something whose pieces moved when no one was watching.


The cult members did not seem to register the girl's disappearance yet.
He gave it several seconds, without response, they were clearly focused on something else entirely.

He reached back over the distance, and placed the girl on one of their arms, withdrawing before they could detect that he had even been there.

---

Nearby

"What's that they're doing now?"

"I don't think there's a name for that one..."

"I know, there's certainly nothing about it in the... great Caulder!" he exclaimed.

"What?"

"She's gone! The Chosen one is gone from her highchair!"

"But... I thought...where did she...???" He exclaimed in horror, suddenly feeling something heavy being placed in his arms. He nearly dropped it out of his hands in shock before quickly looking down to determine what it was.

"The Chosen One!" his companion exclaimed, "But how???"

"The Chief works in mysterious ways," he responded, looking down at the smiling, wiggling girl in his arms... the smiling, wiggling, and very wet girl.

His companion nodded knowingly,"His will be done."

---

"Ah, domestic bliss." Punch sighed, leaning on his elbows.
"Don't get cocky there little guy."
"You weren't saying that a moment ago."
"I wasn't saying much a moment ago, if you noticed. Mostly thinking about knitting a sweater."
"Is that a fact?"
"You betcha sweet cakes." Jewelee replied with a come hither smile.
"Wanna knit a sweater with ME?"
"Nah" WHACK
"Now why did you go and do that?" Punch asked in mock annoyance.
"Keeping you on your toes."
"Like this?" TWACK
"More like this" SLAMSLAMSLAM
"Ah, like this then." YANKSLAMWHACKWHACK
"Closer, but not quite," SLAMSLAMSLAM (CROTCH-SHOT) YANK
"eeeeee"
"Does baby like when mommy.... honey bacon - did you put baby in the oven again?"
"Why? Does she need warming up?"
"No... she's not where we left her."
"Perhaps she went out for a bite to eat."
"She would have left a note."
"Not if she didn't want to disturb us."
"You don't think that..."
"That she's going after our loot?"
"Precisely."
Punch shook his head, "I put the map on the top shelf. She can't reach it yet."
"Good," Jewelee responded with approval, "But that doesn't answer where she IS..."

Punch jumped to his feet to examine the empty high chair, "Are you sure she's not just invisible?" he moved his hand through the spot where she was supposed to be carefully, "Or maybe invisible and intagible?"

Jewelee shook her head as she joined him, "I think more likely that whoever scratched their name in the plastic tray here took her with him."

"What are you talking about?"

Jewelee pointed to the tray attached to the high chair, where someone had somehow gauged out a name neatly and clearly into the plastic, as if they had simply pushed their finger into the substance and traced the words.

"Now we know who has her."

"Or who knows something at any rate." Punch added, "I suggest we find this guy and beat some information out of him."

Jewelee nodded, as she ran to the door and into the yard to see if anyone was still around. But if those involved were still present, they were certainly not visible.

She turned back with a snarl, meeting Punch in the doorway, "This guy is going to pay" she said, calmly.

Punch put his arm around his wife tenderly. He nodded solemnly, his voice filled with focused determination, "I don't care who we have to go through to get to him," he reassured, "Cliff Steele is going to be learn the meaning of the word pain."

---

NEXT: Cliff meets Cliff and some unexpected consequences!


Author's Notes: Since I forgot to last time, I'd like to extend a thank you to everyone who's been commenting about this series over the past few months, including but by no means limited to Dale Glaser, Barry Reese, Dave Skorupa and some guy called Neil Gow... not sure what any of these hacks write, but I'm glad they read DP! <g>

-End Side One-