Issue #4, Dec. Yr. 1

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Long, Long ago in a place not too far away, there were a group of people bounded together to share in their pain, in hopes of bettering their lives and humanity in general. They were the Doom Patrol. Brought together by Niles "Chief" Caulder, they lived, they fought, they loved, and they died. And they came back, time and time again. Same people, different people - the faces changed except one,

Clifford Steele aka Robotman.

---

Being chained in Hell wasn’t exactly what the man o’metal Cliff Steele (formerly known as Robotman of all things) had planned for his weekend. Maybe doing some work in his garden, maybe even catch the game on the tube. It didn’t matter what sort of game it was - as long as it was on and didn’t involve fighting some sort of creature from some weird place, but merely cheering from the comfort of his own home, it would do. But things just didn’t work out that way - not if you used to be in the Doom Patrol. An old teammate had been murdered with a trail leading to a group that held his old mentor up as their icon. Somehow the path then led to a kid named Tim Hunter who sent him to Hell to get assistance from a succubus named Leah. Only Tim forgot to mention the fact she was a succubus - or that she really didn’t want to leave Hell. What a great kid huh? Cliff made a mental note to go back and thank him properly some time. Of course, "thanking" a mage was probably the wrong thing to try to do, but since when had *that* stopped him? And so he found himself spending his weekend chained in Hell and for some reason doing a recap of the past couple of days. It wasn’t enough to live it apparently - now he was going back over it for a nonexistent audience. *Great* - next thing he’d be doing would be splash pages for christ’s sake!

The man known as Cliff Steele leaned back against the wall, slacking his chains and tried to pull again. They didn’t budge - but then again he didn’t think that they would. He sighed and tried pulling the other direction. Nothing. But no reason not to keep trying - he had all the time in the world.

---

Leah watched from the distance and smiled. Tim would never learn. Just because *some* Leahs had gone over, did not mean that they *all* would. Hell was a reality nexus, a place where things converged. It was a place that she enjoyed - full of passion, full of pain. She watched the metal man strain at his bonds and wondered when he’d accept his fate. She was prepared to wait him out - to wear him down, to make him despair of his existence before relieving him of his physical existence and condemning him to a spiritual eternity. She was prepared to wait to cause him the most pain possible. After all - she had all the time in the world.

Leah herself was being watched by a third party, a man being boiled alive. His screams echoed throughout Hell - until he stopped. He just stopped screaming. He stopped boiling. He simply chose to remember who he was - what he could do. His name was Amos Fortune and in the place
that he had come from, he had killed the Justice League. He’d seen others of himself who’d amounted to nothing, and that only increased his belief in the power of probabilities - the luck of the draw. Bad luck had gotten him condemned to Hell - good luck was now presenting him with opportunity to correct the situation.

Amos watched Leah watching Cliff and licked his lips. Things were going to get interesting, he would make sure of it. After all - he had all the time in the world.

---

He didn’t have all the time in the world. Not anymore. Not since he’d seen who was chained just over the rise. The man known as Cliff Steele, professional race car driver - knew that the metal thing being chained *wasn’t* him. Not really. It was a *possible* him - one that had gone wrong. Or more wrong maybe, considering where he was. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t feel responsible to help this other him. Cliff was on a mission - a kid named Tim Hunter had used his dying breath to send him here - to save a succubus named Leah. Apparently this was happening all over the continuum. Tim had given him a special weapon too - one that would turn the tide. The man who’d never been called anything as cliched as "Robotman" took stock of the situation and came up with a plan.

---

Somewhere over Happy Harbor, Rhode Island

A pilot taking his loved ones to a joyous occasion hears a voice. It is the voice of his long dead father calling him home. The further he gets from Happy Harbor the louder the voice, the more insistent. He tries to regain control of his facilities, tries to quiet the voice, but it is too late and the plane plunges into the water, killing them instantly. From Happy Harbor a sound is heard. The sounds of chanting as reality swirls around like a whirlpool. Eggs must be cracked. Temperatures must be taken. Dentals must be flossed.

The time is coming. The Redeemer is at hand. Look busy.

---

Somewhere Else

"It has come to my attention that Cliff Steele has vanished from our surveillance."

"Yes First One."

"This strikes me as unacceptable. This strikes me as laxidazical. What does Niles Caulder say about these things?"

"They are the root of all true evil First One."

"Does he really?"

"Yes First One."

"Hmm . . .must have missed that one. What *I* heard Niles Caulder say to *ME* is far more important. Do you know what he said?"

"No First One. Please enlighten me with the wisdom of Niles Caulder."

"He said that being inefficient was the surest sign of betrayal."

"No First One. No such betrayal has occurred."

The First One waves his hand and watches his head explode.

"I know - but you can never be too careful. . . " he turns around to the darkness behind him "can we . . . master?"

His master remains in silence. The First One nods and returns to the front of the building where he changes out of his ceremonial robes and back into his office attire. After all - a data processor’s job is never done.
No one looks up as he sits down, which only meant that his master’s work had been done. As it always was - as it always would be.

---

Arkham Asylum

In the middle of the night a lone female voice calls out, begging, pleading, demanding. But her prayers are not heard, or if they are they are not answered. Her mind is going away, quickly. Nothing can stop it now. Unless of course . . . yes, she remembers now. She remembers who it is that she needs. His name is Niles Caulder - and anyone keeping her from him is as good as dead.

---

Back in Hell

As Leah watched Cliff struggle, a plan was put into motion by his human counterpart. It wasn’t much in subtly but made up for it in style. He simply walked up to her.

"Another one?" she sighed. "When is he going to learn?"

Cliff smiled. So far so good. At least he wasn’t dead yet. That had to count for something. "I think he did. Considering that where I’m from he’s dead - I think he might have gotten the picture."

Leah smiled.

"I think that’s why he wanted me to give you something, to remember him by."

She licked her lips. "His corpse?"

Cliff gave his cockiest smile, "Nope - this." He held out the golden bracelet that Hunter had given him, hoping that she’d fall for it. She eyed it for a while and finally took it into her hands. She admired it for a few moments then turned back to Cliff and laughed. "You must think I’m the dumbest thing to come down the turnpike."

"Excuse me?"

"How dumb do you think that I am? I know Tim - the moment I put this thing on it’ll change me, it’ll *cage* me."

Cliff shook his head," He said that you might be suspicious. He said that he meant it as a last gift to the you."

"A parting shot then?"

"No - a gift of good faith - to live your life as you saw fit. On earth or in hell."

"Sweet of him. Should have kept that one." She starts to slide the bracelet on, turns to Cliff, hurls the bracelet into the air and destroys it with a thought.

"Ha! You think that I would fall for that old tri. . . " her voice falters and her skin pales. The fire goes out in her eyes. "What . . . where am I . . .what happened?"

Cliff smiles. "Welcome back to the world of the sane. Tim Hunter sends his regards."

"Who are you?"

"The name’s Steele - Cliff Steele."

Leah happens to look over to the struggling metal man "Then who is that?"

Cliff smiles, "Long story . . . maybe I’ll tell you about it while we . . ."

"DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING" a voice booms. Cliff and Leah turn and find themselves face to face with a man looking like a cross between "I’m getting married in the morning" and "Highway to Hell".

Leah, still weak from the transformation nearly falls over. Cliff waits - standing ready to act when the opportunity presents itself but not before.

"My name" the man says "is Amos Fortune. And you dear folks are now my prisoners. . . hehehe it must be my lucky day!"

A sound echoes through Hell - the sound of chains breaking.

"Better think again Fortune." The metal warrior shouts as he lunges forward. His flesh equivalent follows suit. Fortune smiles and flips a coin.

"Tails. . . Too bad"

He points at the human Cliff Steele, just moments before his fists were to impact. Cliff fades from view.

The metal Cliff Steele continues his charge unchecked, only to find himself tripping over his own legs and falling to the cold hard ground. The ground itself reaches up and holds him there.

"Foolish of you Mr. Steele. I’ve killed MY Justice League, just like I killed MY Doom Patrol and every other little pissant group that tried to stand before me. Superman was awfully fun I must say. Killing one more ‘Robotman’ really wouldn’t be out of the question - although it does get quite dull."

"What did you just do with that man?"

"That man? . . .is it possible you don’t know?"

"Know what?"

It was Leah that spoke. "That was another you."

"Another . . . me?"

Fortune laughed, "Don’t think about it - you’ll just end up hurting yourself."

"What did you do with him?"

Fortune just continues to laugh.

---

Somewhere Else

Hands dig into the earth. Real human hands, pulling real human weeds. It isn’t until that moment that he stops and realizes where he is - what he is doing. Gardening of all things! Sissy work. This clearly isn’t *his* life - the sky is blue, not the blood red it had become. Wiping his hands off on his jeans he goes into the house. The door is open, but somehow he knew that it would be. He looks around, looks at all of the pictures of people he’s known, people he’s cared about - most of them long since dead in his life.
But here - they’re alive.
His eye falls on a picture of the metal him (for lack of a better phrase) and Gar. He smiles and picks up the phone. It rings through.

"Hello?"

"Gar?"

"Yeah . . .who is this?"

"It’s me buddy - it’s Cliff."

"Hey man! Long time no hear! We’d thought you’d fallen off the face of the earth!"

Cliff smiled. "I did. But now I’m back buddy. And *nothing* is going to take me away again!"

---

Back in Hell

"He’s *where*???"

"I gave him YOUR life. After all - you won’t be needing it anymore. After all - here you are, and HERE YOU WILL STAY!"

Leah took Cliff’s hand. A wounded guy made out of metal and a weakened succubus turned good against a man with the powers of a god in the middle of Hell. They exchanged looks. If nothing else, it was going to be interesting.

---

Next issue: The Men in Mauve - who are they and what do they want? And oh yeah - the human Cliff Steele starts recruiting a *ALL NEW* Doom Patrol just in time for a certain alien attack!

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*Doom Sayers*

A funny thing happened on the way to getting this issue done. I lost
it. Almost all of it. In trying to convert from one program to
another, more than half of the original story was converted to
meaningless symbols. I tried to reconstruct as much of it as possible
- but alas most of it is lost in the ether (some pretty good lines too
if memory serves. They’d be *much* better lines if I could remember
them, OR maybe that’s what made them so great, no evidence of them <g>)
I’ve started work on the first issue of Shade: The Changed Man which
is started to creep me out a bit so I’m taking it rather slow. I’ll
probably tone it down a bit before actually releasing it since I’m not
sure if a couple scenes will work with the overall picture. But the
scenes to come are the ones that will probably be even worse.
I’m also working on something that *might* turn into a one shot. I
want to get it done and send it off to Clay as is, so that he can see
the finished product and decide if it’s something Faux DC *really*
wants to affiliate itself with <g>. It’s pretty out there - but it’s a
LOT of fun.
As for DP itself, things are definitely heating up and hopefully
getting more interesting. I suspect that there have been more than a
few casual readers wondering *when* the team would show up as well as
wondering if any of these side bars were leading to something. Each
and every one of the side bars means something and will all come to a
head before issue 12. There’s a thread off from there which will take
2 issues to resolve but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. As
for the team - it starts forming next issue when the human Cliff
Steele goes out recruiting.
As always - send your comments, questions, complaints, rants, bottles
of blues and anything else you might want to send to
clauderains@rocketmail.com