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God help us, here we go again:

Issue #3 of 1


by Gary Dreslinski

Editorial wants everyone to know
that no FDC writers were actually
injured over the course of this story.
Gary promises to try harder next time.

"Hey, put that down!"
"No way man, I found it. That means that I get to keep it!"
"That's not true..."
"Finders keepers..."
"What if some blue guy comes along a little later and says that it was really supposed to go to me?"
"Well... I guess then that would be fair. But for now... wait a second, how many little blue guys do you know anyway?"
"Lots of them. TJ introduced me."
"TJ?"
"The guy who actually comes up with the plots for Green Lantern at FDC"
"He's friends with little blue guys?"
"TJ has lots of strange friends."
"I've heard that. Although it is a bit surprising..."
"That he would know little blue guys?"
"Nah, its surprising that he's still actually coming up with ideas for Green Lantern. I'd just figured that you were writing it these days."

Dale Glaser shrugged innocently, "Well, I didn't say that he didn't come up with these ideas some time ago... I just said that he came up with them."

Doc took a long puff on his illegal Cuban cigar, "That's true," he said, "So why do you think that we're here anyway/"

"Beats me," Dale answered, "I think we're being punished for something."

"Not at all," an all too familiar voice said from out of the void.

"Oh crap," Dale whined, "Why did it have to be HIM?"

"Crud," Dave whispered to himself, hoping that no one from FOX news was around to hear him. "Does anyone really LIKE this guy?"

Dale shook his head, "I don't think so. But we've got to put up with him... after all, he's our agent."

As if on cue, Miry Paycheck burst out of the great unknown that surrounded them, "Hey guys! I've got this wonderful opportunity for you!!!"

"Not interested, Paycheck," Dave answered, cutting him off with a wave of his cigar, "I'm already booked up."

Dale took out his pocket organizer. "Me too... see, I don't even have time to wonder What If I actually had some time on my hands."

"And I'm all Mightly Destroyed by my schedule," Dave added.

They gave each other low fives for the coming up with really bad puns to plug their other writing commitments. Paycheck continued to look at them like they were prime pieces of real estate waiting to be undersold.

"Its just for one issue," Paycheck said, as if he hadn't heard them, "But if it works out, who knows? It did wonders for what's left of Darkseid."

"Darkseid did this huh?" Dale asked, mentally checking through his archive of Darkseid appearances.

"Sure did," Paycheck said with a ever-broadening smile, "Got a bunch of work out of it too. His fanfic value sky-rocketed."

"But what about his REAL work?" Dave asked pointing his cigar at Paycheck's chest, "How did this fanfic thing translate on the market?"

Miry Paycheck stared at him for a moment, with a slight smile on his face. "Does Freud know that you're stealing his schtick?'

Dave stared at him for a moment, then down at his cigar. Finally, he looked back up at Paycheck, "What is it that you want us to do?"

"Its a guest shot."

"We figured that much out," Dale responded, "New Gods? That book really rocks, it would be neat to show up there, maybe Dave could give Orion some pointers..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dave scowled.

"Nothing man," Dale said, with a smirk, "Really, nothing."

"Not New Gods," Paycheck said dismissively, "That Gregg guy wouldn't go for it. Said that you would be too much of a distraction."

"But I thought you said that Darkseid had appeared there as well..." Dale trailed off, as he went back to his mental inventory of FDC appearances of Darkseid. He stopped after finding the other one, "Hell NO!" he answered.

"What?" Dave asked, confused, "We're not going to be in Hawk and Dove are we?"

"Worse. He wants us for something far worse than that..."

"Crusaders?"

"Nope."

"Omac?"

"Nope"

"Hmm... what else has Barry Reese written?"

"It's not one of Barry's books."

"Supergirl then?"

"Um, doesn't Barry plot that book?"

Dave started laughing along with Paycheck. They didn't stop for several moments. Dale took a moment, before realizing the joke, and laughing as well.

"So, its not a Reese book then?" Dave asked, recovering.

"Nope.." Dale answered.

"Do you just want me to tell you..." Miry Paycheck started, but Dave waved him off with the cigar again.

"I'll get it sooner or later," he said, "Let's see - Superboy?"

Dale shook his head.

"Firestorm?"

Dale shook his head again.

"And its somewhere where we don't want to be right?"

"Right."

"It really would be much easier if I just told..."

"Shut up Miry!" Dave and Dale said as one.

"Fine..." Paycheck said, looking around for a decent chair, "I'll be sitting over here while you guys figure it out."

"JLA?" Dave asked.

"Hey! I write that one!" Dale exclaimed.

"Did your friends come in and vote for you to write it?"

Dale looked over to Paycheck for a minute, before answering, "Of course not. I got it the old fashion way."

"Hard work?"

"I've got pictures," Dale said with a smile, "Remember that Paycheck!"

Miry stared at his own crouch, as if lost in a fond yet embarrassing memory.

"I give up, "Dave said, "Unless its the Flash..."

"Not the Flash. Tell him Miry..." Dale said, folding his arms in front of him.

"Power Ring," Miry Paycheck said throwing his arms wide, "Imagine the possibilities!"

Dave stared at Paycheck, then back at Dale, "You want us to do... Power Ring?"

"Sucks doesn't it?" Dale added, "We couldn't even get into an issue of Gold'n after that..."

Dave turned his full attention back to Paycheck, "What's it paying?" he asked, "I've got a big shipment of these babies," he nodded to the cigar in his hand, "coming in from Castro. Papa's gotta pay for them somehow."

"I thought you were looking into a way to get 'Doc's Cigar Charity' funding through the United..."

Dave cut him off with a glare, "The paperwork was a bitch," he replied, and left it at that.

"So, you're going to do it?" Dale asked, "You're going to sell your good name for some cigar money?"

Dave stared at him for a moment, as if he had suddenly grown tenacles out of his forehead, "Hell boy," Dave said, taking another long puff, "I'd sell just about anything for a good cigar. Ever tell you that I used to be a conjoined twin?"

"That's disgusting!"

Dave shrugged, "Its not true or anything... but Power Ring's a Dreslinski title after all, figured I'd try out some material. It helps to fit in."

Paycheck stared through the computer screen at the madman staring back at the keyboard, "You have no idea..." he said, looking away quickly before he went blind.

"Well," Dale said, considering, " If Dave's going to do it, I might as well too."

"If I were going to jump off a bridge..." Dave asked.

Dale thought about it for a moment, "Yeah, I probably would." he said with regret, "But only if someone asked me to do it."

"So what do we need to do boss-man?" Dave asked.

Paycheck took copies of the script out of his jacket pocket and handed it to them.

"You mean that these things are actually written out ahead of time?" Dale asked, confused, "I always thought that they just sort of happened..."

"I thought that maybe someone had made a mistake and printed something from a mental institution's newsletter," Dave revealed, "it took me some time before I realized that someone was actually writing this garbage."

"Sad, but true," Dale agreed. He opened a copy of the script, shaking his head, "No way," he said, "it DOESN'T start out like that!!"

Dave looked over his shoulder, comparing Dale's copy to his own, "That's certainly what he wrote was happening."

"Just follow the script," Paycheck told them, "And everything should be fine. Don't try wandering off the main road though, there's no telling what could be lurking out there in the fields."

"Landmines," Dave offered.

"Smurfs" Dale countered.

They stared at each other for a moment, before saying "Smurfs attached to landmines" at the same time.

"So how does this sucker begin anyway?" Dave said, flipping back to the first page.

Dale shook his head, "I'm not so sure this is a good idea."

"What the heck," Dave said with a wave of his cigar, "its money right?"

He stared down at the words on the paper and started to read aloud.

"Don't do it Beppo!" Power Ring yelled after the Monkey of Steel as he flew off into the distance, "Its not worth it!"

"What's wrong with him?" Power Boy asked from his seat in the corner, "Didn't get into the Justice League?"

Power Ring shook his head, "He just found out that he's been replaced by some chick named Gold'n. Seems that Superman doesn't like sidekicks who throw their own feces these days. At least not in public."

"Are you saying that Gold'n..."

"I'm not saying anything man. I'm just making some random unconnected remarks. At least if I'm going to be on record."

"So what's he doing?"

"He's going to go try out for Bad Blood. He said that they'll pretty much take anyone in."

"Think I could..." Power Boy started, wondering if this was finally his shot to belong...

"No way man," Power Ring interrupted, "You're the guy that just got shot down from the Legion of Super Pets..."

"I WASN'T shot down... they just said that they weren't looking for any new... well, ok, maybe I did. But I'm still more powerful than Superman."

"Yeah right buddy," Power Ring rolled his eyes, "Seen that Liberty fellow around lately?"

"I think he got a job with some sort of battery company."

"Good for him." Power Ring said, "Better than letting him actually go out and defend people you know. Maybe you should start looking into something like that..."

"And quit my day job?"

"Man, I don't think that anyone really wants to see you do THAT for a living."

"They might. People are into all kinds of things."

"Not stuff like that."

"So what are YOU doing anyway kid? Besides flying around and criticizing people?"

"You mean flying around with my GREEN LANTERN ring, right?"

"Rub it in kid..."

"I've been out fighting crime, making guest appearances... I beat Batman the other day at chess."

"No you didn't."

"Sure I did. The guy's not very good."

"The world's greatest detective isn't very good at chess?"

"Of course not, otherwise they'd be calling him the world's greatest chess player instead now wouldn't they?"

"Well, you might have a point there."

"Of course I do." Power Ring answered, "I was thinking about going to visit him again," he said.

"Can I come too?" Power Boy asked expectantly, "I don't really get out much these days."

Power Ring considered it for a moment, before shaking his head, "Maybe next time..."

"That's what everyone keeps saying..."

"Then you should be used to it by now."

"I'm not sure what's supposed to be going on here," Dave said, "Who's this Power Boy guy anyway?"

"I'm not sure that this is anything but a set-up for something later. Maybe some big in-joke. Who knows with these little stories anyway. Its not like anyone really reads them."

"But they pay right?" Dave asked, suddenly feeling the need to have it confirmed.

Dale nodded, "Sure, they pay, but no one said that they had to make any sense."

"So, this Power Ring guy is going to meet with Batman right?"

"That's what it says."

"Are they going to play chess again?"

"I don't see anything about that here, so probably not."

"That's probably for the best. No one really wants to read about two guys sitting around playing chess. They want to see some ACTION!"

"Then they've come to the wrong place."

"Not if I told them about..."

"I don't really think that you should. We should stick to the script here."

"But it's pretty exciting, and besides, its the sort of thing that I get into."

"No one's interested in it though Dave..."

"Sure they are! Just slap together some fancy graphics and suddenly everyone wants to read the stories! Trust me, it works."

"Well, I certainly can't argue that..." Dale said, rolling his eyes, "So what is this about a Golden Age Power Ring?"

Dave's smile grew beyond the boundaries of his face, "I'm glad that you asked..."

(Note from Doc: The following is a re-telling of the classic back-up story from the 'A VERY SPECIAL DR. MIDNITE" issue from 1945, in which Doc had to deal with being an unwed teenage mother while battling Jerry Lewis and a bunch of aliens. Some truly classic stuff!)


It was dark. With just a twist of mist thrown in to make things look mysterious.

Adolf Hitler roamed the streets of New York unseen by the innocent hard working Americans who wandered by. Had they known that the Nazi was among their ranks, anyone of them would have risen up to destroy the madman of Berlin.

But they didn't know. Hence the walking unseen bit.

He had made himself invisible using some sort of top secret Nazi technology that no one ever used again for any other project, not even smuggling an army across the English Channel. Which would have been a much better plan, I'm sure you'd agree, than letting Hitler roam around New York. But that's what they decided that they were going to do. Maybe Adolf was hoping to get a Nathan's dog. Or see the Yankees. I'm not really sure that it matters.

What does matter though is that there was a man who DID see Hiter lurking in the dark and mist.

He stared down at the oversized railroad conductor's lantern that he had been carrying around all day, wondering what he should do. He didn't think for more than a moment, after all, the lives of his fellow Americans were in danger... from Hitler... and lurking... all that lurking couldn't be good for the cause of democracy.


He glanced over to where Hitler was lurking one last time before acting, making sure that he didn't just so happen to be a Hitler completely made out of wood, the one thing that his amazing power ring had no power over. He didn't seem to be... which was better than most of his recent encounters, including the strange case involving a wooden milk man and his own wife. He preferred not to think too much about that one.


"Come on man," Dale exclaimed, "I don't think that it really happened!"

Dave looked shocked, "What do you mean?"

"I think that you were just making that story up!"

"I have the issue framed at my house. Its actually very valuable on the secondary market. No one's allowed to breathe on it."

"I still don't think that there was a Golden Age Power Ring..."

Dave lit up another cigar, "Don't believe me then. But it happened."

"And he fought Hitler?"

"Well, it turned out that Hitler was wearing a special wooden vest so it wasn't much of a fight."

"How did he beat him then?"

"Who?"

"The Golden Age Power Ring???? How did he beat Hitler???"

"I thought that I was just making the story up?"

"Well, maybe you weren't," Dale offered, "So what happened?"

"Hitler got away back to Germany under the protection of the Spear of Destiny."

"That damn spear..." Dale swore.

"Yeah, don't you hate people who lean on it for plot devices?"

"Yeah..." Dale started, stopping himself in the middle of agreeing, "HEY!" he exclaimed in irritation.

"Um, guys?" someone said from off the page.

Dave looked at Dale in confusion, nearly dropping his cigar in the process.

"Aren't you supposed to be meeting with Batman?" Dale asked as Power Ring stepped into view.

"Sure, but he's not much fun these days, so I thought I'd see what you guys were doing."

"Just recounting a story of the Golden Age Power Ring," Dave told him, "Now THOSE were stories..."

Power Ring shrugged, "Never really read them," he admitted, "Before my time. I was wondering if you guys could do me a favor?"

Dale started to say "yes" before he could stop himself. He hit himself in the head with the palm of his hand, remembering the last time that he had volunteered himself for something. There were somethings that even time and a team of medical professionals couldn't heal.

"The Super Pets are looking for somewhere to hang out. I was thinking that maybe Aquaman," he said, staring pointedly at Dave, "or the League," he turned his attention back to Dale.

"The Super Pets huh?" Dave said with interest, "Well, maybe I could fit them in for an appearance..."

"And Power Boy too..." Power Ring added, "I need to get that guy out of my house. He spends all the time on my computer playing games..."

Dale shook his head firmly, "I don't really think..."

Power Ring smiled, "I know... but you're still ok in my book. I'll send them right over..."

Dave stared at the retreating form of Power Ring before turning back to Dale, "I thought that Miry said that this was a one shot deal..."

Dale stared back at him for a moment, before letting out a long loud sigh, "It certainly wouldn't be the first time..."

NEXT: Is there a next issue???? Maybe. Who knows. Most likely. Will Power Ring actually show up in it???? Your guess is as good as mine!!!

Follow the continuing adventures of Doc and the Legion of Super Pets in the pages of Adventure Comics Starring Dr. Midnite and his Amazing Friends.

Follow the continuing adventures of Dale Glaser in everything else, alongside his new best buddy POWER BOY!

Follow the adventures of Beppo in the cyberpages of Superman by Ralph Angelo! And remember to keep bugging him until he "remembers" where he put those Superman/Streaky & Beppo issues!!!
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