By Popular Demand - ok, by the Demand of Some Guy Named Popular: Issue #2 of 1 by Gary Dreslinski With Special Thanks to Gregg Allinson and TJ Burns for their continued insanity, I mean support.   The EiC would like it known that any resemblance between himself and "Miry Paycheck" had better be coincidental or Gary is in big trouble with the FDC legal department. I know lawyers who know lawyers!

"You're a dead man Jordan!" "Oh no I'm not!" "I've got you where I want you! Now you will face my wrath!" "You think you can take me?" "Yeah! I'm gonna bust you up good!" "Bust you up good??? Come on, who really says that?" "Um...I've heard people say it." "Name one." "Um...ah...lots of people... Superman. Yeah, I heard Superman say it when he was fighting those aliens*" (* A clear cut and desperate plug for Cold Armageddon if I ever heard one. - GD) "Face it Kyle, you just made that one up." "Well...yeah. But he *could have said it*. You never know..." Hal Jordan, the man the world knew as that dead Green Lantern who went bad, but not really, and now had come back from the dead, sort of, considered it for a moment. Finally, he nodded. "Good point. Remember when he went hippy on us? I half expected him to change into tie dye tights and start following the Dead." "Um...no Hal. I don't remember that you geezer. I wasn't around yet." "Oh yeah - the whole going into another universe and getting replaced by an evil version of myself* thing only to be replaced by some young upstart! I'd forgotten!" (* Don't believe him? Go read Faux DC's very own Green Lantern title, featuring dialogue nothing like the above! - GD) "Speaking of young upstarts...when are we going to track down that Power Ring kid? Seems to me that it doesn't set a very good precedent for kids to be finding Green Lantern rings in gumball machines." "I know Kyle - alleyways behind bars are *much* better for distributing rings." "Shut up." "You shut up." "You first." "Don't make me come over there young man..." Atlanta, GA "You CANNOT fire the GREAT AND POWERFUL DARKSEID! I have done battle with gods! I have had entire races beneath my boot I have..." "Flubbed too many lines. I'm sorry Mr. Great and Powerful Darkseid, but in the voice-over business accuracy counts for everything." "Darkseid cares not for accuracy - only imposing terror, and fear, and destruction and ... those little candies they put in your dressing room. Darkseid really likes those." "Well I'm sorry little miss prima donna stone face - but you don't get a dressing room here, or anywhere in the voice-over business. If you really want to make it in this biz I certainly hope that you consider losing the more-fear-inspiring-than-thou attitude on your next job." "The Great and Powerful Darkseid does not like your tone! Were it within my power I'd obliterate you with my omega rays!" "Well - since it IS within my power, I'll just have security escort you from the building." "You WILL NOT! I AM..." "The great and powerful Darkseid. Got that. Anything else?" Darkseid pulled himself up right as if to again speak, but then turned and started to walk away in a huff. "Hold it mister!" the casting director called out. "What's with that zipper running down the side of your outfit?" Darkseid stopped and glared at the director, "Pay no attention to the zipper. I am the GREAT and did I happen to mention POWERFUL Darkseid!" The casting director reached over and pulled the zipper down. "Oops..." he said, then chuckled, "You mean that zipper there?" "No!!!" Darkseid cried as his true smoke form issued from out of the suit. The rubber Darkseid suit he had been wearing crumpled on the floor as the smoke attempted to bring itself back together. "Pay no attention to the suit on the floor! I am Darkseid the Great and Powerful!" The casting director turned and walked away, leaving the once great ruler to float out on his own. "I can't believe that we just did that!" "I know, wasn't it incredible?" "It was far more incredible than I could have ever imagined!" "Yeah, definitely!" "Zack, that ring of yours ROCKS!" The boy known to actually a relative handful of people, including a church group, as Power Ring couldn't have agreed more. So he didn't. "Hey Brad...want to know what I want to do next?" "No man - what?" "We should go over to the ..." There was suddenly a voice from the sky. A deep sort of authoritative voice that didn't sound like the sort of voice you WANTED to suddenly be coming out of the sky. "We need to talk." The voice said. They both looked up to see Hal Jordan and Kyle Rayner hovering above them. As soon as they were satisfied that they had fulfilled their dramatic quota for the day, they stopped hovering and returned to standing. "We need to know where actually you got that ring and what you plan to....oh hi Brad." "Um...hi" Brad said, embarrassed. Zack turned to him, "You mean you REALLY..." "Paid him 5 bucks to say my name? You're just so gullible sometimes Zack...I mean, come on!" Kyle snickered. "When am I getting that money Brad?" Hal asked, "I have to give my agent his cut." "Got it right here", Brad said, pulling the money out of his pocket, "Here". Just as Hal was about to take the five singles, a hand reached out from seemingly nowhere and grabbed them from his grasp. Hal turned quickly to see whom it was, ready to blast them back to the Stone Age, or, far more likely, to make a giant boxing glove and hit them with it... Hal was kooky that way. Just as he was about to that thing he was going to do, he stopped. "Oh" he said, "It's YOU." "BUT OF COURSE IT'S ME." The man said, taking his three dollars and giving the rest to Hal. "I'M YOUR AGENT AREN'T I?" "THIS is your agent?" Zack asked. He didn't look like much; in fact he kind of dressed like a carny gone wrong. "YOU BET TRUE BELIEVER! I'M THE ONE AND ONLY BETTER THAN EVER NEW AND IMPROVED FUNKY FLASHMAN HERE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE COLOSSAL BATTLE OF TITANS TIPPING THE SCALES OF CREATIVITY OVER TO THE SIDE OF ALL THAT'S LIGHT AND BRIGHT IN THIS GIGANTIC UNIVERSE!" "What did he just say?" Brad asked, turning to Hal. "I'm not really sure. But no one else knows either. He can be quite convincing that way. How else do you think I was able to get my job back from TJ?"" "THE MIGHTY MIRTHFUL MERRIMENT OF MERCHANT MARINES MEANDERS THROUGH MINNESOTA MAKING THIS THE MOST MARVELOUS MONTH YET!" "What the hell is he babbling about now?" Zack asked, starting to feel himself fall under the enchantment of the huckster's words. "Don't pay any attention to him. "Kyle cautioned, "Or he might suck you in and make him one of his Zombies." The Flashman flashed his award-winning smile before breaking off into his spiel again, "HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY WEBSITE YET?" he asked. They escaped from the agent while they still could. Somewhere so secret that the words "Stuckey's" flashes on and off on the sign out front. "At last! It is complete!" "What is it master?" The man, nay, the legend that is the mad genius Great Responsibility laughed a fiendish laugh. He knew that it was indeed a fiendish laugh for he had taken graduate level courses in Fiendish Laughing. "It is my greatest triumph to date!" "Better than what you did with that toaster oven???" "Oh yes Hapless Lackey - MUCH, MUCH better than that. I shall use this to conquer the world!" "Isn't that what you said about the toaster oven?" Hapless Lackey asked, then took a step back so the mad scientist's swing would miss him. "SILENCE!" the evil genius demanded. "I demand silence" he repeated, just in case someone had skipped the previous sentence. Content that even the most casual reader now got the point that he indeed wanted silence, he continued. "It is a device to alter the very structure of the universe! I call it RET-CON!" "What will you do with it master?" Hapless Lackey asked. The evil genius known as Great Responsibility returned to his peels of laughter. At the Very Edge of the Known Universe She sits in silence, watching, waiting, reading issue after issue, hoping for someone to slip. When they did, she would come down, as if from the heavens themselves, and strike them down with furious anger. She was Jonni Faux, Guardian of the Universe. She looked over a script featuring some guys called the Liberty Warriors and shook her head. There were inconsistencies here, but they would be dealt with. She would track down the writer and punish him for using the pseudonym of another companies character, not to mention for just driving people crazy for a bit. But first she had to track down another inconsistency that was plaguing her. Every time she thought that she had found it, it squirmed into another part of the continuum. At long last she had located it though... a little story that went something like this: "The sky turned bright red that day, the day that the universe changed. Very few people knew that it changed, very few recalled those brave souls that sacrificed their lives for the good of the greater whole. Even those who did retain their memories didn't have the whole story. They didn't know that there was one last survivor - one last holdover from a time gone by. And if the Man of Steel had anything to say about it, no one ever would. No one would ever know that he had a partner, fighting the forces of evil at his side. No one would ever know about STREAKY! Written by Gary and Jessica Dreslinski Based on a concept by Jessica Dreslinski "And that's what I call wrapping things up!" "Meow." Streaky gazed down at the neatly tied up package in front of him. The man trussed tightly inside was a member of the dreaded Cat Nip Gang, a rogue group of veterinary aides and pet shop assistants who, slowly driven crazy by the incessant yowling of the animal kingdom that surrounded them for most of their days, were wreaking havoc on local shops, leaving scratch marks on the walls and doors, and smearing "little deposits" on the windows. Streaky had a special interest in the case, having encountered most of the culprits in question at one point or another. He felt with every fiber of his fuzzy little being that he would be able to solve this case; he could handle the scratching, the dead fleas, and the crap. The idiot in the tights, however was quite another kettle of catfish. "Come now, Streaky! Let us away to Metropolis and seek out further malfeasance on the part of the Cat Nip evildoers! Let no more shadows of dark intent or all around naughty stuff cloud the fair city of....." 'Blah, blah, blah, blah,' thought Streaky. "Meow," was all he said. 'If I get through this thing without clawing this guy's balls off, I swear to God....' The Man of Steel struck his most heroic pose, "We must Away!" he bellowed, as he flew off into the clear blue sky. Streaky scratched at his nose for a moment. It was usually a good idea to let the Great Blue Blunder get a head start. That way, Streaky had long ago discovered; he didn't have to lap him more than a couple times. He licked his paw for good measure, and then leapt into the sky, his red cape flapping in the wind. He sniffed the air, following the trail. Kryptonians had a "unique" smell; at least that is what the Blunder claimed. Streaky preferred to think of it as a "bad" smell, at least where the Blunder was concerned. He tried to improve it by marking all of the big guy's uniforms. But even that didn't do much good. He followed the trail, until it stopped dead. He looked up, he looked down, he started to draw back his head in shock and then acted like he had *expected* to have the Man of Steel vanish into thin air. He kept his cool until he figured no one had seen him and then looked up again. "Someone's stolen him" he reasoned*. He shrugged his litte kitty shoulders. "They'll bring him back sooner or later. It's not like he's litter trained." (* And reasoned quite correctly! Check out Cold Armageddon for more details! - GD) Streaky worried about what to do next. Ten or twelve seconds of his life thus being occupied; he turned his thoughts to far more pressing matters, namely a spot of lunch. Getting a little nosh was an easy task for a super cat; the average human was far too stupid to thwart an ordinary feline's thievery, let alone one who could swoop in and snatch the vittles practically from the victims' mouths. He procured himself a tasty morsel and returned to his hideout, a cozy nest located adjacent to Superdope's apartment. He found himself wondering, almost against his will, if he would ever learn the fate of his human counterpart. The stage was clearly set for the second part of this story. The lights on the screen flickered and flashed. Streaky fought the urge to pat playfully at the shiny images and concentrated on the task at paw. The computer, specially modified for a feline's admittedly clumsy digits, was the cat's lifeline to the crime world. 'Even that doofus Batman needs help with cyberspace.' Streaky felt quite superior in his status as a microchip savvy kitty. Typing confidently away, he sought more information on the Cat Nip crimes. It was becoming increasingly apparent that it would be up to him to get the matter taken care of, without the dubious assistance of Mister Smelly. The work was tedious and slow in being rewarding. At half past midnight, he finally struck gold. As figure after revealing figure appeared on the screen, Streaky became more and more amazed at the implications that he was seeing. Just as the information got its most exciting, the screen flickered and went dark. Streaky was so upset that he forgot to resist the urge to leap at the light flicker. "What gives," he meowed. Letters began to appear on the screen, odd shaped letters and eerie symbols that bore no resemblance to anything he had ever seen before. "Luckily this unit has an automatic translation device." He gazed at the screen, eyes widening and pupils dilating to swallow any color. And then softly, inexplicably, he began to purr. Cat aliens were behind it all. That much was clear from the onset. Who else would want to wipe out all humanity? Regular aliens? Demons bent on the destruction of humankind? The very idea made him laugh. From what he could tell from the messages being sent back and forth, the cat aliens were having a chuckle over it too. They were playing with some guy named Neron like a ball of yarn, rolling him first one way, and then the other while crouching down low and springing forward to attack him from above...before losing all interest in him entirely. Streaky briefly considering joining their cause, after all, they were cats and so was he; but then they started talking about marking the one they called 'Superman'. Streaky let out a low hiss. The Blue Blunder was *his* territory... and no one else was going to go around marking it without a fight! That is, he decided as he stretched on top of the keyboard length wise, once he was done with his nap..." Hal Jordan scratched his head in confusion before calling Kyle over. "What IS this?" he asked, pointing to the story about a supercat named Streaky on Zack's computer screen, "One minute I was playing Super Pong... you know, the one with the paddles of death, and the next thing I know this thing is on the screen." Kyle scrolled down to read it as well, "Um... I think SOMEONE out there has major issues." he finally decided after much thought, "I mean the very idea of..." The computer suddenly blinked off and then just as quickly on again. When the screen lit back up, both Hal and Kyle took a step back from the computer. The story was gone... the Super Pong game was gone. What rested in their place was a digitized female in the shape of the Faux DC symbol. She shook her finger at Jordan, "Let this be a warning to you Jordan" she scolded, "I brought you back into this world, I can take you out too! No more funny business!" Zack heard the commotion and came over to see how he could profit from it. When he saw what was going on, he instinctively raised his ring toward the screen. "As for YOU young man" Jonni Faux started as she noticed his presence, "Hand over that ring right now! It just doesn't fit into proper continuity and we certainly can't have..." Before she could say "THAT" - Zack sent a green bolt of the ring's energy into the computer screen. Hal and Kyle looked in wonder as they saw the symbol of rational fan fiction squirming in pain. They looked on in terror as they saw the cat known as Streaky reappear. There was simply no word for their reaction to Streaky jumping off the computer and into the mainstream continuum. As Jonni Faux faded from view, Zack found himself chuckling as the cat flew around the room, relieving himself as he went. "THAT'll teach 'em" he mumbled to no one in particular, "That'll teach 'em." Back Behind Stuckey's He laughed the laugh of the truly insane. "It's working!" the man known as Great Responsibility belted out, "My retcon is working!" Hapless Lackey tinted his head to one side like a confused puppy, "But Master...you haven't DONE anything." The mad scientist writhed his hands in glee, "Ah, but that's the beauty of it. I only have to set things in motion and sit back and watch them..." "But you didn't set things in motion." "Yes I did." "I've been watching you the entire time. You haven't even left the room." "Which is the brilliance of my plan my good moron...soon I will..." "Pardon me?" a voice said as its owner tapped once on the half-opened door into the inner-sanctum, before inviting himself in. "Who dares!" The man smiled his patented smile; "My guess is YOU are the mad genius they call Great Responsibility." The evil madman could only nod in affirmation, waiting to see what the strange man had to say next. He broadened his patented smile to impossible lengths, "My name" he said, pulling out a business card from his pocket, "is Miry Paycheck, Agent to the Stars - and I'm here to make you the offer of a lifetime!" NEXT: Good god no! Not another one! Maybe, maybe not. Once again it depends on how quickly this gets me stoned in the middle of Faux Square. But keep an eye out for the deal between Miry Paycheck and Great Responsibility, one that will shake what you THOUGHT you knew about fan fic to the very core! Or maybe just give you the giggles... either way, good clean fun!

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