issue #4(of 4) FAUX DC PROUDLY PRESENTS (Only because it's over) "The Meeting" By Gary Dreslinski

"So I was just sitting there..." "In the swamp?" Ralph Digby, the ever-fabulous Elongated Man, interjected. "No. I was sitting there reading the paper." "In the bathroom?" "No, Ralph - that was later." "Ah - sorry. Go on." "So I was sitting there reading the paper," The great white wonder that was the zip code of Solomon Grundy, classic Justice Society of America villain and conversationist extraordinare stopped and waited for one of the assembled heroes to interrupt. Mostly he just stared down Ralph, clenching his fist as if to illustrate what was going to go through his skull if he opened his mouth again. Fortunately Ralph had momentarily decided to take the path of greater resistance, silence. "when I saw this strange black disk floating in the air in front of me." "The black hole" Ted Kord, the ever inflappable Blue Beetle, whispered to his companion in mischief, the Boosterific Michael Carter aka Booster Gold. Booster nodded. "Actually," Grundy corrected, "It's NOT a black hole, otherwise you wouldn't be able to see it. It would suck in all the light and NOT be a black circular pattern that hangs in the middle of nowhere. I would have thought a scientist like you Mr. Kord would be leading the way to correct that misconception of what we are dealing with, rather than feeding the mistaken belief." "Actually" Ted's face turned several shades of red, "I'm more of an inventor. But I DID know the difference...it's just that..." "He didn't know the difference" Beatrice Da Costa, the ever...um...hot in so many ways, Fire quipped. "For the record, I DID mention that fact to you guys after it reappeared in the bathroom..." Ray Palmer, the ever microscopic wonder The Atom piped up," I AM a scientist after all. But no one really wanted to..." "As I was saying" Grundy continued over the Atom's comments that no one ever really stopped to listen to what he had to say, "I went to investigate the phenomenon when I was suddenly and unexpectedly was drawn into it." "Like a black hole" Ralph mouthed to Sue, who smiled long-sufferingly. "When I emerged from it, I found myself, and my paper, in ..." "The bathroom!" The Signal finished, as he stared at individual molecules in the ceiling, which were certainly of more interest to him than the current meeting. After all, at least the molecules showered every once in awhile. No one really wanted to suggest that to Grundy for some reason though. The Signal had considered doing it himself, but perhaps he mused, saying that he was just delivering a message from the rest of the group would be a good way of finally ridding the world of the troublesome heroes. Or at least it might be good for a laugh or two. He added it to his mental "to do" list. Above Earth Gnort, the canine Green Lantern of might, dodged the shimmering yellow steamroller by a hair. He was still panting a bit when the giant yellow microphone started coming down. "What would Hal do*?" Gnort muttered to himself as he stared upward, his features forming the look of general confusion that so often seemed to be his trademark. (* Hal Jordan - the late, oops, it wasn't really me, I'm back and everything's ok Green Lantern. As seen in the pages of FDC's own Green Lantern series. - GD) "Kill everyone?" The Anti-Gnort suggested as he continued to lower the boom, literally. Gnort considered it for a second, then shook his head, "Parallax wasn't him. It was really someone else.*" (* Also in the pages of Green Lantern - GD) "That's what they all say." "You shut up!" Gnort blurted out, sending out a burst of green energy from the ring on his finger, that broke apart the microphone and crashed into the Anti-Gnort in one shot. "You can't go around talking about a Green Lantern like that." The Anti-Gnort licked his lips. He tasted the blood, and lapped it from his teeth. He felt his yellow ring pulsate with energy as his anger, and resolve, increased. It was all about will power - he had learned that early on. He looked at Gnort and charged, armed with enough will power to kill. The Roach slipped through the so-called "security" of the compound home of "Extreme Justice" with ease. Someone had apparently knocked a large hole in the ceiling*. No doubted caused by their own ineptitude, the Roach told himself. After all, it wasn't like these people were the Justice League! (*Way back in issue one - I have these things written down, aren't you glad someone does? - GD) He slipped through the hole without even transforming. He landed with a dull thud, then slipped down into his namesake in case someone had heard. He skittered over to the nearest table leg and climbed up for a better view. No one was in sight. He started to move... and then he sensed it. His antenna started going wild and instinct took over. He scrambled down the leg and acrossed the floor, immersing himself in the bits of cake still scattered throughout the room. "Did they invite you?" "Nope" "I think they forgot about us." "Well, it would be pretty hard to forget about YOU after the whole naked thing...*" (* That would be last issue - GD) The space-faring and fashion conscious Scarlet Skier nodded in agreement. After they had finally waited the white rude beast they called Solomon Grundy out of the Digby's bathroom, the group as a whole had told him to go find something to wear.* (* Presumably a summary of the events that took place between last issue and this - GD) Unfortunately, they had never told him what to do when he was done. He tried to follow them into the command center, where the group was apparently having a "pleasant chat" with Grundy, but they had locked the doors against intrusion. Even more unfortunately, no one had bothered to give him anything resembling an access card since his sudden arrival.* (* Issue one - geez, you people need EVERYTHING spelled out for you don't ya! - GD) In lieu of attending what was probably a rather important meeting, the Scarlet Skier sought out the OTHER outsider, Buddy Baker the indisputable Animal Man, who was sitting in his room watching television. They didn't speak much, other than the occasional mutual grunt when something caught their fancy on the Cartoon Network. They watched for several hours, until they realized that no one had really bothered to come find them and tell them what was going on. "This has got to be one of the strangest situations I've ever found myself in" Buddy remarked. "I couldn't agree more." the Scarlet Skier said, and so didn't bother to. "Could you pass the popcorn?" What neither Buddy nor the Skier knew is that they were hardly the only outsiders in the building. One such member of that party floated just outside the door of the command center wishing that it's circuitry allowed it to do something as efficent as muttering to itself. Skeets, the mechanical wonder and once companion to Booster Gold, cursed whoever's idea it had been to lock the doors without first notifying him. Granted, the only ones that knew of his presence were Booster and Beetle, but they had placed him in charge of keeping an eye on the so-called "reformed villain" Signal Man. Who knew what kind of horrors he could now be performing on the team? Perhaps the whole encounter with Solomon Grundy was nothing more than an elaborate trap to get them to lower their guard? Perhaps the two of them were in on it together? After all - who had ever heard of a Solomon Grundy that acted as politely as this one had, and yet maintained the same amount of muscle? Skeets had ran a quick computer scan to find any and all Solomon Grundy sightings, and the only ones that had really come up as his being anything but a vicious monster were those from Opal City*. (*From the pages of DC's Starman series - GD) Skeet's had only two bits of information to console him: (1) the knowledge that the reformed Signal Man wasn't really capable of something so well planned as teaming up with ANYONE, let alone Solomon Grundy and (2) He would, at very least, be able to say "Don't say I didn't warn you" at their funerals. Somehow that wasn't quite enough. Almost, but not quite. Somewhere Else He watched his monitors. Out in space, Gnort was engaged in battle with the Anti-Gnort. Neither of them seemed to be making much progress against each other. One would strike, the other would counter it. It was as though... he looked at them again and shook his head. It was as though they were mirror images of each other...which of course they were he noted before thunking his assistant in the head. It was still a brilliant plan, but that would be the last time he agreed Sinestro's left-overs*. From that moment on - he would only use the best. After all, he could certainly afford it. (* See Green Lantern for developing details! - GD) He briefly considered returning Fastball's calls. Perhaps giving them another shot at Extreme Justice wasn't THAT bad of an idea. After all, they had failed the first time due only to the intervention of Signal Man. If he was willing to turn on them THIS time though, as the rumors indicated, Fastball and his associates might just stand a chance. He shook his head. "No" he spoke outloud to himself, in his most declarative voice, "We need something bigger - something better. Something..." "Unexpected?" His assistant, known only as Hapless Lackey interrupted. He slapped the lowly being with a rolled-up newspaper. "Silence you insolent fool... I am thinking here." He pondered the situation for a moment before smiling a truly inspired smile, "We need to do something ... unexpected." he finally declared. "Brilliant master" Hapless Lackey toned in, trying to act like he'd never heard the idea before. "But of course" he replied off-handly, as he picked the vial he had secured from the Roach off of his desk, "What else would you expect from the evil genius of Great Responsibility!" "And so I asked him if he would join us..." "Who?" Animal Man asked as he turned to see Blue Beetle and Booster Gold talking as they walked passed his opened door. "Wha..." Beetle started, until he recognized Buddy. "Oh man! Buddy! I completed forgot you weren't at the meeting!" Buddy shrugged," No one told me there was going to be one." "It just sorta came up" Booster replied before his tongue-tied companion could. "Who is that in there with you? Skier?" he asked as the armor-clad space farer turned his attention away from Space Ghost for a moment. "Good to see you up and around..." "And clothed" Beetle finished. "Yeah - and clothed." Booster agreed, "That's a definite plus." "Aww man" Beetle muttered to himself. "Come on in" Buddy said as he moved himself and the skier over to make room on the couch. Beetle continued to mutter to himself as he and Booster came in and sat down. "What's wrong now?" Booster asked his friend once they were seated. "I was just thinking about how Buddy and the Skier here weren't at the meeting" Ted replied, hestitated for a moment to run a mental inventory to make sure he was correct, then continued, "And so I was thinking about the fact that neither was Gnort!" "Gnort wasn't there?" The Skier asked, his voice on the verge of being cracked. Booster thought for a moment, "Are you sure he wasn't..." he started, then stopped, "You're right. There wasn't a smell... Did we send him out for snacks maybe?" Ted shook his head, "I wish. He wasn't there when Grundy showed up either." "You think he left?" Booster asked, with more than a little hope in his voice. "Maybe he's dead" The Skier offered, his voice dropping several octaves. "What is THAT supposed to mean?" Booster and Beetle exclaimed as one. "Well" the Skier replied matter-of-factly, "The being that attacked ME* WAS trying to find and kill him. The odds are that if Gnort isn't HERE, he's either off somewhere fighting that thing, or he's already dead." (* Back in our first issue - GD [No you don't get another link to it, if you were going to go back and read it, you should have done so by now- MC]) Ted slowly turned to Michael "Booster" Gold, "That's bad right?" he whispered. Michael shrugged. "You guys really need to keep better track of your membership around here." Buddy lectured," Maybe actually putting someone in charge to keep up with the comings and goings of members...someone who can keep things organized and..." "Is he talking about Sue?" Michael asked Ted, as he tuned the lecture out. Beetle shrugged, "Not a half bad idea." he said as he got up and walked out of the room, followed by Booster, followed by the Skier - leaving Buddy Baker, the anal retentive Animal Man lecturing to himself about the benefits of proper record keeping. He tried not to let the sudden lack of audience stop him from making his point though, and by the time he was finished was pretty well convinced that he had changed quite a few minds of those every single previously unsure individual molecule in the room. At least that is what he tried to justify to himself. He sighed and put the bowl of popcorn back in his lap, and settled in for a cartoon marathon, where he stayed until the explosion. The Anti-Gnort was closing in for the kill. Despite all the other times he had thought he was doing it, this time he was sure. He had trapped Gnort between three sets of giant yellow scissors, which were systematically closing in on him. Sooner or later, one of the pair would either snip him in two, or at very least give him a decent haircut. He laughed a laugh of absolute evil - watching, waiting - until a green giant three year old picked up all three pairs in his giant little kid hands and started running off in the other direction with them. "Hey!" the Anti-Gnort called out, "Hey you!" he added for good measure, "Kid! Stop running with scissors! You'll poke your eye out!" He watched as the green giant little kid joyfully skipped out of sight. "Damn kids" the Anti-Gnort muttered, "Always doing what they're not supp.." he stopped suddenly, looking over to where Gnort was staring around in confusion. The Anti-Gnort looked down at his paws as he counted off the points. Giant green kid. Gnort didn't do it. Green energy. His gaze went upward as the green 2x4 hit him in the face. "Jordan" he cried out, his vision blinded by rage. "Try again" a defiant voice answered. "Stewart?" "Strike two?" "That Rayner guy?" "Strike three!" the voice said, as a giant green baseball bat connected with the face of the Anti-Gnort, knocking him unconscious. "You're out!" Gnort watched with wonder as the Lantern who had come to his rescue finished off his evil counterpart. He tried to remember where he had seen the guy before, but honestly he couldn't think of anywhere. He certainly hadn't been at the last GL bash. Of course, neither had Gnort, *technically* but one of the caterers had felt sort of sorry for him, and so... but this guy hadn't been there. "Thanks man!" Gnort said as he approached, his tail wagging friendily. "Sure thing pooch" the GL replied off-hand. "I was in the area and thought I'd cross-over." "I'm not sure I understand..." The GL smiled, "Of course you don't little doggie - that's cause I haven't introduced myself yet." he said, before turning to fly back to Earth. Gnort stared in confusion, "Who are you then?" The GL stopped, and thunked himself on the head. "Oh yeah. Sorry... geez...introductions man, always make the introductions." he turned back to Gnort with a smile, "You can call me... Power Ring." Gnort returned the smile as he accompanied his new friend back to Earth. Something told him that his new association, although unexpected, was going to be anything but boring. The Roach looked up suddenly from his decadence, trying to refocus on his mission. He had been sent to keep Extreme Justice busy. But... the cake was just too much of a temptation. His antenna sank deep into the sticky goodness, as deeply as his feet. Perhaps he should just revert to his humanoid self, he mused, but then he would be detected. More importantly, then he wouldn't be able to literally swim in the icing. But he had heard something. He was sure of it...maybe he should just... he looked up and saw a giant one-eyed yellow cat staring down at him. It batted at him with it's paw. He tried to scramble out of the way, but the paw caught him in the side - sending him head-over-heel onto his back. His legs flailed in the air. "I have to..." his instincts told him, "I have to..." He triggered the change. The Cat jumped back as he saw his plaything grow before his one good eye. He jumped back and watched as the once tiny cockroach turned into a man. He briefly considered running back and telling the others... or trying to make them understand the best he could. But then he stopped, after all - he could take one lone man. And besides - it wasn't like he was alone. The Roach jumped to his feet, ready to hear the alarms going off. But he heard nothing. He looked over to the yellow cat who was still sitting watching him. He grinned as he walked toward it. This one little kitty-cat had spoiled his feast. This little kitty-cat would pay the price for his insolence! The Roach was so focused on the cat in front of him, that he didn't pay attention to the one behind. The pure white cat literally flew out of the darkness and onto the Roach's back, burying teeth in his back. The Roach screamed as he flailed about, trying to get the cat off of him. But the sheer strength of the cat on his back quickly drove him to the ground. The Cat smiled as he joined the now lopsided fray. He smiled as he clawed at the Roach, helping Extreme Justice's newest member, Streaky the Super Cat. Ralph sighed as he sat down on his bed. Sue was still in the command center going over plans with the Atom. They were trying to figure out a way to track down his attacker, and figure out how to get back the vial before someone unleashed the 5th dimensional being inside. The meeting with Solomon Grundy had started out routinely enough. At least as routine as ANY meeting with Solomon Grundy attending could get. By the time he had finished with his story though, Beetle had offered asked if he wanted to join the team! "Asked if he wanted to join!" Ralph repeated to himself, shaking his head. the world was a strange, strange place indeed when an offer like that was extended. It was a stranger place where Grundy actually said "yes". Not just a "yes" either - more of an "I'd be honored." Just when everything had gotten as sureal as anyone thought possible though, there had been something scratching at the command center door. Sue had gotten up to let Powergirl's cat in - only to have a pure white cat wearing a cape like Superman let himself in, creating an instant catdoor in a solid metal door! The part that was even stranger, as far as Ralph was concerned, was that in his mouth, he was carrying an official invitation to join the group. Beetle and Booster had looked it over with Sue, but it was clearly an actual invitation they had sent out. After a moment or two of indecision, Sue had actually welcomed both the supercat (his tag said Streaky) and Solomon Grundy into Extreme Justice. Ralph lay back in the bed, closing his eyes. At least things had settled down after that. He stretched out, literally, his mass stretching across the entire span of the bed. At least that had been the end of the wierdness...and, he noted, anything that the ELONGATED MAN thought was weird, must be pretty darn freaky! At least he would be able to get a few moments of rest before the next thing happened. Ralph bolted upright, an odd feeling in his stomach. He looked over at the bathroom. He hadn't checked it in awhile. He told himself not to... after all, there was bound to be something strange there...something he wanted not part of at the moment... his nose twitched uncontrollably as he ignored his own good advice. He walked over to the bathroom door and opened it up. Sure enough, the "black hole" was back. Only this time it was bigger, MUCH bigger... and... there was a red gloved hand sticking out of it. He activated the alarm on his wrist communicator, hoping that everyone wouldn't take too long to respond. Something new was coming out of the black hole in his bathroom... and the feeling in his gut told him that the wierdness was only getting started... NEXT: What? This is issue 4 of 4 - what could POSSIBLY be next? Glad you asked... Announcing the cross-over of the new whatever: FDC's own Extreme Justice & Power Ring come face to face with Marvel X's own Lightning Rods! Coming soon to BOTH sites and the cyberpages of HEROES - it's the biggest fan fiction EVENT EVER!!! The 2 issue event so big that you literally CAN'T miss it, brought to you by the mind of Gary Dreslinski...fear for us all!

 

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