The Crime Crusaders Club

Case 13: "The Canister"

By Mikel Midnight

song lyrics copyright Thomas Pynchon, with thanks to Byron Molix

The Lady In Evening Clothes is sitting comfortably in a chair as the others arrive.

The Gay Ghost walks in for a change.

The Gay Troubadour says "Are you feeling all right, Lord Strethmere?"

The Gay Ghost seems to be enjoying the sensation of feet on the ground. "I am doing quite fine. And thyself Mr. Troubadour?" He plants himself in his chair.

The Witch walks over to Jim Anthony, "Hello, old friend," nodding in Eve’s direction meaningfully.

The Gay Troubadour says "Great! Feelin' fast!"

Jim Anthony looks at The Witch, and whispers softly. He sighs and looks around the room at the others. "Eve, how are you feeling, my friend?"

The Gay Ghost grins, attempting to tap into the memories of his alter ego Charles Collins, "My Momma always told me to watch out for fast-talkin' fellows from the city. They're always trying to sell something."

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "I'm fine, and you?" She looks back at Jim Anthony trying to fathom his mood. "Is something wrong?"

Jim Anthony looks at Lady In Evening Clothes curiously.

The Gay Troubadour says "Well, now that you mention it, Lord Strethmere, do you think you have enough life insurance???"

The Gay Ghost says "Thou hast policies for the already dead?"

The Gay Troubadour says "Well, I'm sure something could be arranged...."

The Gay Ghost says "The … what is the word … premiums must be exceedingly great a life insurance policy on a ghost."

The Gay Troubadour says "Nah, Lord Strethmere. Superpowers tend to decrease premiums!"

The Gay Ghost says "Is that a fact?"

The Gay Troubadour says "There aren't many things that can hurt the average ghost, you see."

The Witch looks at the Ghost and Troubadour, "Honestly boys, can't you ever be serious? You don’t have to always live up to your names, you know."

The Gay Ghost says "Life insurance isn't serious enough??"

The Gay Troubadour says "Serious? Moi?"

The Gay Ghost says "Other than death itself, I can't think of a more serious topic"

The Witch says "I'm sure I could find something to hurt you with..." lights up a cigarette, "I don't recall you having an immunity to fire Mr. Troubadour ..."

The Gay Troubadour sidesteps, "If it can catch me, little lady... which is not to say that I haven't been burned."

The Gay Ghost keeps a poker face.

The Witch smiles and douses the flame, "I'll leave it to others to chase you."

The Gay Troubadour thinks about a pair of deep, blue eyes.

The Lady In Evening Clothes sighs at the Troubadour's juvenile antics.

Jim Anthony leans over to The Lady In Evening Clothes. "Hey friend, something IS wrong, isn't it?"

The Lady In Evening Clothes looks up at Jim Anthony and the Witch, curiously.

The communicator rings. Ring ring, ring ring.

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "No, it’s nothing, really." She just sighs again.

The Witch moves back to Jim Anthony's side.

Jim Anthony isn't sure he wants to be in the middle of this ... he activates the communicator.

The Lady In Evening Clothes turns crimson..."Uh...sorry"

The view screen lights up, and the familiar face of Captain X appears on the screen.

The Witch looks at the screen, "Hi Captain X!"

Captain X says "Hello old friends, I have job for you!"

Jim Anthony thinks . o O (thank God!)

The Lady In Evening Clothes looks up.

The Gay Troubadour says "If it's helping you move again, Captain, I'm booked!"

The Gay Ghost nods.

Captain X peers at the Troubadour curiously with a ‘do I know you?’ expression. Finally he says "I got word through my RAF contacts that an old foe of the Freedom Fighters, Mr. Hazard, who uses gambling shtick & gimmicks, has been working in collaboration with a bunch of other villains, and they are planning to intercept a ship at Brooklyn Heights tonight. There's a canister being transported ... I didn't have security clearance to discover exactly what it is, but word comes down that it is very important to the war effort, and mustn't fall into the hands of the criminal element."

The Witch chuckles and shakes her head, catching up with the gay repartee despite herself. "And no more hot-dog roasts, Captain!"

Captain X says, "You got it, Witch. I won't be able to be there, because I'm on another RAF assignment, but I needed to let you know."

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "Thanks for the heads up, Captain."

Jim Anthony says "Sounds like our cup of tea!"

The Gay Ghost sobers up.

The Gay Troubadour is more of a cola man, but takes Jim Anthony's point. He says "Oh, a job job! That's different. What time?"

Captain X says "It's look pretty imminent to me, Troubadour."

The Gay Ghost says "Any word on who is in the rest of this gang?"

Captain X shakes his head.

The Gay Troubadour says "Let's go, gang! Let's make a difference!"

The Gay Ghost hmms.

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "We better proceed with caution then."

Jim Anthony says "Well, if it's a gang, we had best arrive there in force ... Tom Gentry’s autogiro, then?"

The Gay Ghost says "To Brooklyn?"

The Gay Troubadour says "Caution? Aww! C'Mon!"

The Lady In Evening Clothes nods, "Speed and hotheadedness are not always the answer"

The Gay Troubadour says "They've always worked for me! Eve, if speed and hotheadedness are not always the answer, you're not asking the right question."

The Gay Ghost says "Brooklyn Heights is practically across the parking lot, as the ghost flies."

The Gay Troubadour sighs, "I hate that slow autogiro! Couldn't we just post ourselves? Flight... always makes me....er...queasy."

Jim Anthony says "Let's get on the ball and stop clowning around then ... we don't want the Gay Ghost showing up solo and getting ambushed by who knows what. Witch, while we’re en route, see whether you can contact some reinforcements."

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "To the air hanger then"

Elsewhere ...

Through the rain, the main uncoils the wire. He is tall and muscular, dressed in a black-and-red uniform covered with swastikas; he carries a large, strangely-shaped black shield, on the front of which is a large yellow swastika. He carefully attaches the ends of the wires to the large black box. He makes the final adjustments and then hears the crunch of boots on gravel behind him. He whirls around, into battle formation, and what he sees drives his face pale.

Standing before him is an athletic looking fellow. He has a black cowl and cape. His brown bodysuit has a white swastika on the chest. In his right hand he has an ornate spear. In his left he has a red shield with a large black swastika on the front. "Heil Hitler," he says.

"I have no quarrel with you," says the first man in German. "We both serve the Fatherland's business."

"Yes. And we've both received better offers," replies the other similarly. He lunges at the first, and the two begin a desperate battle, leaping and rolling with expert precision. Finally the newcomer thrusts forward with his spear, and his opponent raises his shield. The spear shears through it unopposed, impaling the man. "You fought well," says the survivor, "But I was the one the Walkure chose to bear the name Hauptmann Deutschland, not you."

He lowers the tip of the spear, blood dripping down the end from the body of the corpse, and lowers the plunger. A second later, the bomb at the other end of the wire trail is detonated. The survivor withdraws his spear, wiping it clean on the body of the corpse. "One trainload of American GI's who will never arrive in Europe," he says to himself. "Auf Wedershin," and he vanishes into the night.

This famous neighborhood of Brooklyn Heights was the first area to be declared an historic district by the Landmarks Preservation Commission. Urbanized in 1814 after the establishment of the Fulton Ferry, the Heights are a potpourri of architectural styles, from the Federal houses to the north, to the Greek, Gothic, and Romanesque revival mansions of the south end. The Heights is populated with several Gothic churches, including Grace Episcopal Church, designed by Richard Upjohn. Along the west side, The Promenade runs along the East River. Many famous photographs of Manhattan's skyline have been taken along the Promenade.

The Gay Troubadour stretches after his long wait. "We're here, at last!"

The Gay Ghost sighs and shivers ever so slightly, enjoying the freedom of the open again.

From the sky above Queens and Brooklyn, Wonder Girl flies down to the Brooklyn Heights, accompanied by Minuteman. "Hello, fellow Crime Crusaders! Why have so many of you gathered here at this hour?"

The Gay Troubadour says "Hey Wonder Girl! Minuteman!"

The Gay Ghost looks about, it's rather dark.

The Lady In Evening Clothes frowns at the lack of sun...

Jim Anthony says "Listen, Eve, if something is bothering you, and you want to talk to someone...."

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "It's...nothing...an issue concerning Sandman’s past…I assure you I won’t be distracted during the mission."

Jim Anthony cracks his knuckles and takes a deep breath.

Wonder Girl oopses and begins whispering, "Sorry about the volume before."

The Gay Troubadour points. " Got a tip something was up, Wonder Girl! And it looks like it was a good tip!"

The Witch says "Look!", and points toward the ship, "Looks like we found something"

The Gay Ghost nods to the Witch, "Maybe I can get a look at that canister from here, and nobody will get hurt." He begins looking carefully at the scene, then flies up over the Crime Crusaders’ heads to get a better vantage.

The Crime Crusaders see a ship at dock. Several workmen are tied up, and some colorful figures are unloading a gleaming silver canister, roughly eight feet long.:
a balding man with tufts of dark red hair and a broad face, wide-mouthed and with narrow eyes. He has pasty white skin, a red-ball nose and is wearing a baggy white clown suit with stripes, and big red clown shoes. His painted-on smile strikes you as being somehow false, though.
a woman who looks like Veronica Lake, down to the trademark hair-across-her-eye; she seems to have very long nails, however.
a man dressed as the Norse god Thor - antlered helmet, hammer and all. You notice, however, that he seems slightly short and too thin to truly be Thor; he does have the red hair, though, and Thor's arrogant gaze.
a man dressed as a stereotypical riverboat gambler, in a red overcoat, yellow vest, and blue striped pants. His white hat is set off nicely by his pencil-thin black mustache.
a living rag doll with a white clown face, red yarn hair, and almost-coal like eyes. He is wearing a green jumpsuit and a red bow tie. He seems very lithe and limber, as well.
a man dressed as a scientist - white lab coat over a business suit. He uses a cane when he walks, and his appearance - bald, with a full black beard (no mustache) and thick glasses - carries an air of aristocracy. He is accompanied by five men clad in rags; the expression on their faces is one of empty rage.
a tall, muscular, mustached man dressed as a giant black-and-yellow-striped bumblebee, even down to a large set of wings.

The Lady In Evening Clothes takes out her gas rifle. "Anything, Keith?"

The Gay Ghost frowns... cocks his thumb and points his finger. "Crime Clown.... thou art worse than a bad penny...."

The Witch says "Looks like we have our work cut out for ourselves tonight!"

The villains drop the canister in shock and point to the arrived Crime Crusaders Club. The man dressed as a scientist laughs, then says, in a deep, cultured voice, "Attack them, you fools!"

The Gay Troubadour says "Yes, you would be fools to attack!"

The Gay Ghost says "Just once I would like these louts to surrender"

The Lady In Evening Clothes drops her melancholy air and prepares to brawl. "It doesn't look like we are going to get that. I had thought the Baron von Zorn was dead, but I see he's up to his old tricks, drugging innocent men and destroying their minds, turning them into little more than robots."

The Witch charges at the Yellow Wasp, gas grenade tossed out towards the man.

The Gay Troubadour speeds forward to cut von Zorn’s drug-altered "robot men" down to size with a few dozen chords from his mandolin. Jim Anthony pulls out a gun and points it at Mr. Hazard.

The Gay Ghost swirls his cloak around Fairytale Fenton's eyes. Let's see how arrogant that gaze is after that!

The Lady In Evening Clothes moves towards Domino readying her gas rifle. "It is night, and time to dream." She shoots greenish gas at the woman.

Wonder Girl says cheerily, "I haven't seen this particular convention of villains before, but that's no reason to let my comrades down!" With that, she leaps into the air, gliding on wind currents. She lands into the midst of the pack and lets loose her lasso...right towards the Rag Doll.

Minuteman tries to punch Crime Clown in the big red nose of his. "Let's see if I can wipe that smile off your face."

Yellow Wasp leaps backward, away from the Witch's grenade and into the air - his wings start buzzing and he flies upward as he draws a yellow gun and points it at the Witch, flipping a switch on his gun and sprays her with a yellow mist.

Mr. Hazard fires at Jim Anthony, knocking the revolver out of his hand.

The Witch says "Ack!", and starts to wave the mist away, "What is this stuff?"

The “robot men” are confused by the Gay Troubadour's sonic attack ... they thrash about, but eventually one of them manages to land a lucky punch and sends the Troubadour flying. The Gay Troubadour lands with a roll and says "Hey! Watch it, Big Guy! Pick on someone your own size!"

Fairytales Fenton aims and fires at the Gay Ghost, just missing him as he is temporarily blinded and freezing the wall behind him in a block of ice.

The Witch begins to sneeze and cough as the mist enters her lungs. She is distracted enough to come crashing to the ground.

Rag Doll leaps forward, missing Wonder Girl's lasso and amazingly wraps his arms and legs around the amazon's arms.

Jim Anthony ouches! as his gun is shot out of his hand. He shouts, "Ephelba! Are you okay?!""

Crime Clown pulls out a spritzer bottle, letting Minuteman have it full in the face. Minuteman sputters, coughing up water. Wonder Girl blinks in shock and thinks to herself, . o O ( Gee! If I am not careful I'll hurt the Rag Doll!)

Domino leaps at Lady In Evening Clothes, avoiding the gas cloud, claws outstretched.

The Witch is doubled over and coughing away violently, she stands up slowly and tries to cover her face, firing a series of sleeping darts almost blindly at the Yellow Wasp’s direction.

Wonder Girl says "Garrison, do you want a hand?"

The Gay Troubadour says "Got one, Wondey, thanks!" He considers telling the “robot men” that he's an orphan, to make them feel small, but then opts for an even better strategy! He plays a complicated series of chords which blurs their vision, so he seems to split into five Gay Troubadours. "There we go! Now, that's more of an even match!"

Jim Anthony tumbles and rolls towards Mr. Hazard, too fast for the other to aim. He lunges at him aiming for a tackle to take him down.

The Gay Ghost rockets right by the dazzled and blinded Norse Ice Machine, aiming a battering ram punch into Baron von Zorn's aristocratic jaw.

The Lady In Evening Clothes attempts to use some of the martial arts taught to her by Wesley Dodds to use Domino's attack against her and flip her up and over him and onto the hard pavement behind him.

Yellow Wasp continues gassing the Witch, whose darts reached the Bee's wings but who looks as though she's close to fainting. "hack ... cough ... sneeze ... someone ... please ... cough ..." Wonder Girl attempts to maneuver herself in front of the Witch to shield her from the Yellow Wasp for a bit. She tries to talk reason to Rag Doll, "You can't stop me from moving so just let go before you get injured, okay?" She begins flexing her muscles to back up his words.

Minuteman, confident that the water is out of his system, dives headlong at Crime Clown's midsection.

The “robot men” duke it out with the Gay Troubadour. He starts to beat them back using percussive sonic blows from his mandolin, but eventually he makes a slip ... one has him by the wrist! The others advance, menacingly.

Wonder Girl looks behind her to the Witch. The Witch has seen better days, it looks like she could use some major antihistamines. Wonder Girl is starting to dislike the way things are going but thinks she better get the Witch some air. Wonder Girl wants to give the Doll a friction burn, but decides that the Witch is in more need. She windmills her lasso and sends a gale toward the other woman to clear the air. The Witch looks very weak from her coughing and sneezing, there is little for her to do but collapse again. Rag Doll leaps and tackles Jim Anthony.

Mr. Hazard pulls out a Chinese finger trap and grabs Jim Anthony's hands and traps him!

Baron von Zorn quickly raises his cane and goes into dueling stance ... with a sideswipe he smashes the Gay Troubadour on the side of his head.

Fairytales Fenton fires and encases the Gay Ghost in a block of ice.

Domino is tossed by Lady In Evening Clothes but does a triple somersault and lands on all fours, hissing. The Lady In Evening Clothes watches the maneuver, "Impressive, most impressive."

Crime Clown splats Minuteman in the face with a chocolate cake.

The Gay Ghost, surprisingly, makes not one sound or grunt. The expression on his face within the ice cake is...unpleasant

Minuteman wipes the cake off. “Mmm...did you bake this yourself?” He says "It's time to get dirty." He tries to yank the sides of Crime Clown's hair, while at the same time, trying to land a kick to the midsection.

The Gay Ghost feels the cold starting to penetrate even his ectoplasmic body, but concentrates instead on passing immaterially right out of the ice block.

The Lady In Evening Clothes draws her rifle and aims it at Domino attempting to gas her.

Wonder Girl tries to help the Gay Troubadour. She zooms over and tries to take on any of the four “robot men” approaching the trapped Troubadour, by attempting to knock them into their fellows as they approach, like a set of big bowling pins.

Jim Anthony’s hands are trapped but he raises them together into a double-handed punch at the oncoming Rag Doll. Rag Doll rolls with the punch, grabs his wrists, and Mr. Hazard starts to kick at his ribs.

Domino leaps in the air and lands on Lady In Evening Clothes' back. She claws at her, and the other woman falls to the ground with a scream under the weight.

The four “robot men” eagerly wrestle with Wonder Girl, they are less powerful than she but they have her outnumbered, and manage to wrestle her down.

Crime Clown tosses a handful of banana peels under Minuteman's feet, who slips and falls down hard on his rear end. Minuteman rubs his backside. "Aghh.. That hurts." Crime Clown takes advantage of Minuteman's confusion to evade his attack.

The Gay Troubadour turns to his overgrown assailant and tries to give him a friction burn on the wrist that would set a redwood ablaze. "..cough... You ought to feel honoured, pal. I ..cough.. usually charge extra for this solo performances!"

Jim Anthony grunts in pain, and tries to use Rag Doll as leverage to pull him down and land a kick on Mr. Hazard's ugly mug.

The Gay Ghost is shaken from his cold-shock by the events outside the ice block, and realizes he has to attend to his own predicament now. His body becomes intangible within the ice.

The Lady In Evening Clothes grunts as she feels Domino's claws dig deeper, "Let's see you avoid this nightmare!" and turns her gas-rifle toward the woman on her back and presses the trigger point blank.

Wonder Girl grunts as the four “robot men” overwhelm her physically, she stops attacking them with her arms and begins using her legs in an attempt to hit some shins or midsections. As they pile atop her she yells out from under the four struggling opponents something that sounds like, "BwahTahs, frits poponits!"

Minuteman sits on the ground for a second, before getting an idea. He tries to yank the Crime Clown's feet out form under him, "Have a sit, ugly!" Crime Clown can't think of anything remotely funny to say as Minuteman brings down the curtain. Minuteman says "Jeez! Any more food on me, and I'd be an appetizer at Delmonico's."

The Witch gets up and musters up another volley of sleeping darts to use against Yellow Wasp. As The Witch recovers from her faint, the darts do further damage to the Yellow Wasp's wings, but he steers his landing on top of her bringing them both crashing to the ground. The Yellow Wasp stumbles to his feet, gun still in his hand. The Witch falls to the ground...hard and the air is forced out of her lungs, "Ack!"

The “robot man” loosens his grip on the Gay Troubadour, clutching his hand in agony. Several of the rest are knocked over by Wonder Girl's attack. Baron von Zorn, noticing that the Crime Crusaders are distracted, attempts to make off with the canister. Unfortunately, it is large enough that he knocks it over and it breaks open with a crash.

Mr. Hazard is distracted by the crash and, glass jaw, is taken out by Jim Anthony, who tries to use the Chinese finger trap as a weapon and wrap it around Rag Doll's scrawny neck. Rag Doll easily evades Jim Anthony's grip.

The Gay Troubadour thinks . o O (Oh, oh. Now we're in for it!)

Hissing, Domino adroitly avoids the worst of the gas while clawing at Lady In Evening Clothes' eyes.

The Witch swings her feet out to trip up the Yellow Wasp and make him hit the ground for a change...HARD!

The Gay Troubadour retrieves his mandolin uses a few selected chords to whittle a giant or two down to size.

The Gay Ghost takes in the battlefield and is somewhat horrified at the chaos. He wastes not a second and dives at Fairytale Fenton, attempting to close with the scrawny Viking. One fist searches for a whiskered jaw and the other tries to lock onto the wrist holding the hammer. Fairytales Fenton backs up quickly, and uses his mechanical hammer to shoot voltage at the Gay Ghost.

Wonder Girl checks out the “robot men” holding her as she struggles against them, to see if they are robots or organics basically.

The Lady In Evening Clothes is getting mad now, and fires her right elbow at Domino's face as she's distracted by the gas... Domino, out of breath, is jarred by the Lady In Evening Clothes' elbow strike and clutches at her desperately. Soon she is down for the count.

Minuteman nods gratefully to the unconscious Crime Clown as he picks up a handful of banana peels and hurtles them at Baron von Zorn's feet. Baron von Zorn's years of study in the Orient makes him more than a match for a handful of fruit, and he ducks below the pier and disappears.

Yellow Wasp was still unbalanced enough that The Witch was able to trip him up ... but he gasses her again on the way down. The Witch speaks through clenched teeth, "Not...this...time..." and then fires a full barrage of sleep darts followed by another grenade at Yellow Wasp, aiming with deadly accuracy.

One of the “robot men” is unable to stand up to the sonic whittles, and the Gay Troubadour manages to make sushi out of him.

The Gay Ghost grunts under the electrical blast, hiding the fact that it is recharging him nearly as much as it hurts; wincing in pain, he takes the hard-won energy and targets a hard blast through his sword at Fenton's hammer and the hand and the arm holding said hammer. Fairytales Fenton is lashed by lightning, and completely crumbles.

The canister breaks open, to reveal two corpses packed in ice. They are recognisable as film actress Dolores Winters and the head of a large tyrannosaur. The tops of their skulls have been sheered away, and their brains removed.

Jim Anthony is distracted by the sight of the canister. He runs over and tries to seal it. "I don't know what you villains want with this ghoulish artifact, but it's under the protection of the Crime Crusaders Club now!"

Wonder Girl tries to get up to his feet and land a single haymaker at the two “robot men” holding her, aiming for the jaw, and connecting for a knockout.

Minuteman looks at the corpses in horror. That, coupled with the flight makes Minuteman sick to his stomach. Somewhat slowly, he heads for the pier to follow Baron von Zorn. The other two charge at Minuteman, distracting him from their leader, who has apparently disappeared. Minuteman says "Uh... help?"

Wonder Girl says "Don't worry about them, Minuteman. Just go after their master!" She takes off like a shot, arms extended and fists clenched to become a human projectile. She tries to come in from the side and get at least one of the “robot men” out of Minuteman's path.

Minuteman keeps running, trying to make it to the edge of the pier, as Wonder Girl knocks down the remaining two “robot men” like tenpins. Wonder Girl lands, "You okay, Minuteman?"

Minuteman stops. "Yes Wonder Girl. Thank you so very much!"

A voice comes from the shadows. "It's not that easy, Jim Anthony. Cease and desist, All-Stars."

The Gay Ghost turns from the shattered master of make believe.

Rag Doll notes the All-Stars' temporary confusion from the arrival of the shadowy figures and follows Baron von Zorn, disappearing into the shadows.

Jim Anthony says "Cease and desist? Cease and desist what?"

The Gay Ghost *hates* voices coming from shadows. "Thou shouldst not be shy, step into the spotlight!"

They see a trio standing in the shadows. One is a good-looking man with medium length, red hair, and with dark, shadowed eyes. His clothes are functional: a brown-orange pullover sweater, a Captain's cap, and loose-fitting dark brown trousers. Another is a dazzling blonde woman with shoulder length, mildly curled hair. She is dressed in an evening gown and wears expensive jewelry, looking as if she has rushed here from some social occasion. Finally there is a man who wears the traditional ninja costume, though it appears to be dark green, rather than black. Only his eyes are visible through his balaclava. He carries a two-handed sword and a double bladed, curved dagger.

The red-haired man flashes a government id. It says "O.S.S."

The Witch looks up at the two men and one woman. "OSS?"

The Gay Ghost says "G-Men! What art thou pretending at, vampires? Stay in the light."

The man with the katana is suddenly before the Gay Ghost, katana at his throat. "You were ordered to cease. I advise you do so."

Minuteman stops, stunned. He tries to catch Jim Anthony's eye.

The Lady In Evening Clothes cannot help but snort at the sight of steel against the Gay Ghost's throat.

The Gay Troubadour says "OSS? What's that stand for? Overzealous Special Stooge?"

Jim Anthony whispers, "It's Office of Strategic Services, Troubadour." The other two government agents come forward. "The canister and its contents are property of the U.S. government. These men you have interfered with were charged with recovering it. You people are in big trouble."

The Witch raises her gun, pointing at the remaining G-Men, says, "I wouldn't, ninja, or your friends become my next pincushion"

The Gay Ghost puts his hand up to the edge of the sword, to put it between his neck and the blade. "What is the meaning of this?"

The Gay Troubadour says "Hey, we work for the government too! YOU back off!"

Jim Anthony says "The Government of the U.S of A does not use professional criminals to do anything, and they attacked us, not the other way around."

The Lady In Evening Clothes raises her gas rifle toward the two agents.

Jim Anthony says "Our credentials are a bit more plausible than,” gestures to the defeated trash, “… these"

The Witch's eyes flare up.

The woman says, "The U.S. government uses whatever tools it thinks best."

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "Well either way, Miss, the canisters are in the care of the Crime Crusaders Club, and until we hear from a higher source they will remain with us."

Wonder Girl says "I wonder if the President knows about this? Awfully shady."

The Gay Troubadour says "Then it'd better think again. How do we know you ARE government agents? Those passes could be a Coney island giveaway, for all I know!"

The man with the katana says, "Captain X was given incomplete information by some superiors of his at the R.A.F. who see themselves as our rivals. You are assisting them in nothing more than petty rivalry, when we should all be working together towards the war effort."

The woman says, "Call your teammate, the King, if you don't believe us."

The Gay Ghost says "I suggest we take all these 'government agents' to the nearest jail. If their credentials prove out, they shalt be released without any problem. If, by some odd coincidence, they don't check out … well...they shalt be right at home "

Minuteman starts to slip away to track Baron von Zorn. The red-haired man fires a warning shot by Minuteman's feet. Minuteman stumbles backward. "We're on the same team, lady."

The Witch fires a dart to knock the G-Man's gun from his hand, "Easy with that thing!" The red-haired man aghs as the gun is shot out of his hand. Suddenly the ninja is behind The Witch, the katana at her throat. "My friend fired a warning shot, nothing more. I would advise you not to do that again."

The Gay Troubadour says "Well, I'll give you guys this much. You aren't intimidated by superior force. Maybe you ARE American!"

The Gay Ghost looks the man with the katana in the eye, "Dost thou mind putting that away before I assume self-defense and force thee to go purchase a new one?"

The woman replies to Minuteman, "So Jim Anthony says. Let us have the canister and you can be on your way."

Minuteman says "Over my dead body, lady. That's about enough of that." He swallows a Miraclo pill, and zooms over at his highest superspeed attempting to grab and hold the ninja's hand to prevent any movement.

"

The Gay Ghost says "Say steady, friends. I wilst contact the King and bring back the true tale!" He vanishes into the ether.

Jim Anthony says "Well then, do you mind telling us what you mean to do with these bodies?” He turns to his teammate, "Witch, you could get killed like this. Stop it."

The ninja is nowhere near The Witch, nor is he where Minuteman thought he was when he started moving ... a throwing star appears on the back of the Witch's hand. The Witch says "Ack!"

The woman says, "Ease off sister, this isn't your fight." The Witch looks at the woman, clutching her hand, "It is now! I'm not going to take this! I've had enough of your petty squabbles!"

From behind her, The Witch hears the ninja's voice. "Then cease acting like a spoiled child." The Witch spins around, pointing her gun with deadly accuracy. The ninja is nowhere near The Witch ... her gun points into empty space.

The Gay Ghost returns, appearing from the shadows. He says "Stand down, Crime Crusaders! King didst vouch for them!"

The Gay Troubadour says "All right, OSS. Now who’s playing at petty rivalries?"

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "I don't believe, Keith!"

Jim Anthony says "Keith, I don't care if King will say it to my face. They certainly don't act like any government agents I've had the good fortune to work with. Frankly, they sound like a bunch of Mafia setups."

The Gay Troubadour says "Hey, Jim! We all have the same enemy, remember? Maybe they play a little rough, but I might too, if I didn't have special abilities to back me up!"

The red-haired man says, "You probably recognise these bodies as those once used by the Ultra-Humanite, no?"

Minuteman suddenly realizes what they plan to do. "You're gonna try it, aren't you?"

Wonder Girl says "Minuteman, they're worse than Red, White and Blue and you know how stuck up those three are"

The red-haired man nods. "We aim to kidnap some of the men near to the Axis upper hierarchy, and use the Ultra-Humanite's technology to implant the brains of our agents into them."

Minuteman says "I mean it can't be chemically done...It's impossible...we don't even know how the Ultra-Humanite did it."

Wonder Girl says "He did it because he's the Ultra-Humanite."

The woman nods to Minuteman. "That's why we need the bodies ... to learn his techniques."

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "You cannot be serious. The Ultra-Humanite is a nightmare on humanity, for you to even consider such a thing!"

Minuteman says "It must be some chemical imbalance in his system … my mentor could tell you it can’t be done."

Wonder Girl says "I'm afraid Minuteman is correct. Nobody else can duplicate that procedure, not even our Amazonian scientists, you'll only kill good men"

The red-haired man says "Perhaps. But it is too useful a tool to not attempt a try."

The Gay Troubadour says "I don't like the idea of using a villainous means to fight evil, G-Man. But, that's not my decision to make, is it?"

The ninja says, "No, it isn't, Troubadour."

The Witch steps over the bodies, "What you suggest is inhuman! You’re no better that the Nazis!"

Wonder Girl says "What about rules of war? Even the Nazis have the right to a fair trial after this is over, and what about the ones only following orders? Not all of them could believe that insanity"

The Gay Troubadour says "I just wonder. If we use evil to win, who are the good guys?"

The Gay Ghost says "I do tell you, wartime or no wartime, the Stars and Stripes hast lost some of its shine for me by attempting such horrors."

Wonder Girl says "Heck, no, Troubadour."

Jim Anthony says "I don't see why you think I should trust people like you ... how do I know you won't use it against Americans for your own ends, or for 'petty interdepartmental rivalry'?"

The Lady In Evening Clothes nods, "I doubt the people of America would look kindly on this."

Minuteman says "I can probably show you in a 6th grade health book where this can be proven undoable. The body cannot function without a brain. A brain dies if its out of a human body. Secondly, do you know what type of physical and emotional effects that the subject would experience if you did succeed?"

Jim Anthony walks over to where The Witch is, and whispers to her, "Ephelba, if you were thinking of grenading the bodies, don't. It would cause too much heat. These people are deadly serious, you'd only end up dead next week." As he speaks quietly to his teammate, he eyes his surroundings, noting several large gas canisters nearby.

The woman smiles at The Gay Troubadour. "So judgmental for such a handsome young man. Since you have agreed we are all patriotic Americans, why don't we put our own rivalries aside and let us get on with the war effort?"

The Witch turns away from Jim Anthony and whispers simply, "I must do what I feel is right, I can’t believe the King would stand for what they are suggesting."

The ninja says "The Ultra-Humanite can do it. And there are ... disciplines ... by which one's mind can leave one's body. If there is a way, we will find it."

The Gay Troubadour says "Listen, lady, there is a right and a wrong in this world, and it's usually not that hard to tell the difference."

The Witch lowers herself toward the bodies, "You won't do this, I won't let you!"

The red-haired man says, "They will be volunteers. They will know what they are getting into."

The Gay Ghost rises into the air.

The red-haired man and the woman draw their guns. "Don't be fools."

The Gay Troubadour looks to the others, and knows what has to be done. He moves away to distract the OSS agents.

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "I wonder what sort of people would volunteer for such a mission?"

The Gay Troubadour strums a chord, briefly blinding the government agents as if illuminating the area with incandescent brilliance. Jim Anthony swiftly pours a huge splash of petrol over the two bodies in the canister below, lighting them with a match to prevent The Witch from doing the deed.

The ninja glares at Jim Anthony, and attempts a strike ... only to find it repelled by Wonder Girl’s metal bracelet. The red-haired man says, "You fools!"

Minuteman says "There goes your science projects lady and gentlemen."

Wonder Girl loops her lasso towards the ninja. The ninja evades the lasso, and a throwing star lands in Wonder Girl's shoulder. The amazon clutches her shoulder now in pain.

Jim Anthony makes sure the bodies are totally useless ash and says, "Crime Crusaders, stop fighting immediately!"

The woman says, "You have set back the Allied war effort by years, I hope you know that!"

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "We have avoided a nightmare that would have cost America its soul!"

Jim Anthony puts his hands out in front of him. "I take full and sole responsibility for the destruction of the government property."

The Gay Troubadour says "I like to think we've saved it!"

The Gay Troubadour says "Like Fun you do, Jim! We ALL do!"

Jim Anthony says "If you do not stop fighting my friends and arrest me right now I may injure a couple of O.S.S. agents."

Minuteman says "Now, if you'll excuse us people..." He runs up to protect Brandy.

The red-haired man says, "This will not escape the government's notice. You mystery men operate on official sufferance, interfering as you do with the official crime-fighting forces in this country. Your support is not universal and could end at any moment. Keep that in mind."

The Witch says "Jim, I can't let you take the rap for this. It's too big. And besides, you've all got lives. I'm just one ex con."

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "I will not arrest you Wonder Girl, I have been in trouble with the law before and will be again."

The Gay Ghost notes that Minuteman is seeing to Wonder Girl and lands by Jim Anthony and The Troubadour.

Minuteman pulls out the throwing-star, quickly, and wraps a piece of cloth around her shoulder to stem the bleeding.

The Gay Troubadour says "I think you'd better go, before we hand you your heads, 'OSS'!"

The woman tsks. "You may think you have won this round. You can have your petty victories. Meanwhile, the Germans will continue with their slaughters unabated. I hope you are pleased."

The Gay Troubadour says "It may be corny, Jim, but One for All, and Crime Crusaders for one!"

The Gay Ghost winks at the Troubadour and nods, setting his jaw.

Jim Anthony lowers his head and smiles, proud his friends will stand by him at a time like this.

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "We will overcome that menace, but not by becoming it!"

The red-haired man gives a signal, and the ninja disappears. He and the woman make to depart. "We will see you later Crime Crusaders ... and watch your backs."

Jim Anthony whews.

The Gay Ghost says "Why are we not arresting them? Or tossing them into the river, at least?"

Jim Anthony says "Technically, we broke the law. They would turn around and walk right out"

The Gay Troubadour says "Or swim out, if necessary."

Minuteman says "The OSS has too much power. I wonder if the President really knows what they do."

Wonder Girl clutches at her hand, "Ouch...those shuriken smart."

Minuteman says "Sorry about this, Drusilla. I should have been Miraclo’d up and caught those things."

Wonder Girl says "Um.. I doubt it would make a difference, Jim. I don't know where they dredged up that Japanese long underwear type but he doesn't seem normal to me"

The Lady In Evening Clothes says "I believe we have some new enemies Crime Crusaders, and they could be very dangerous indeed."

Wonder Girl says "Eve, they are our 'friends' and with friends like these who needs the Nazis?"

Jim Anthony says "I think we should just get out of here ... let the O.S.S. clean up this mess."

Wonder Girl shakes her head, "I knew what I was getting myself into, I just wish I knew how much it was going to hurt!"

The Gay Troubadour says "I may be mistaken...but aren't those pajama boys...those 'ninjas'...Japanese?"

Jim Anthony says "And that woman definitely had a slight German accent."

The Gay Ghost says "Yes, but if the OSS uses the Crime Clown, a Japanese dost not surprise me."

Wonder Girl says "I suggest we trust only a few things, each other, the President, and the common American"

THE END