Jimmy Abercrombie looked up and down the dark Dublin street while Brock Godard snipped the lock on the rolldoor of the warehouse. The broken lock was thrown aside, the door was raised, and the two muscular young men entered and shone their electric torches into the space revealed before them.

"What'd I tell ye?" Godard smirked, illuminating the Lexcorp logo on the side of a nearby crate. "A fine bit of American technology that'll never be missed."

"Right, right," Abercrombie rolled his eyes. "Never be missed unless we're caught red-handed. Let's hurry this along."

"Ah, relax. We'll be in and out, back at the pub, pint in hand, in no time," Godard assured his reluctant partner.

"Pub's prob'ly where ye shoulda stayed," a third man announced his presence behind Godard and Abercrombie. The two louts turned around to see a pair of inhuman eyes, blazing yellow and floating in the darkness.

Before either of the would-be burglars had time to react, a huge creature seemed to leap out of the yellow eyes. A massive wild boar the color of moonlight charged at Abercrombie, who stumbled backwards to avoid its huge silvery tusks. Abercrombie's heel caught the edge of a wooden palette, and he fell hard on his back, stunned.

Godard lunged toward the warehouse door, all thoughts of profiting from stolen goods banished from his mind. As he tried to rush past the hovering yellow eyes, they blazed again, and a large crowbar leaning against the wall flew through the air as if magically granted life. The crowbar struck Godard in the temple, knocking him out.

The glowing yellow eyes, really two apertures in the face of a round lantern, rose in the air as the lantern was lifted higher by its owner. A sparkling light shone forth from the eyes, first on Godard, then on Abercrombie. Each man disappeared, teleported to the local constabulary by the magic of the lantern. Satisfied, its owner flew out of the warehouse and into the night, cape snapping in the autumn chill.

A minute later the owner of the lantern alighted on an apartment building rooftop. He wore a purple cowl which covered his entire head and face, connected to midnight blue cape lined in gold. His shirt was green, his trousers purple, and his heavy gloves and swashbuckler boots blue. Gold buckles adorned his belt and his boots, completing the uniform of the Jack O'Lantern.

On the edge of the rooftop sat a tiny man, no more than twelve inches tall, clad in brown and white, a red pointed hat, red vest, and red pointy shoes. The wee person held his hands between his knees and kicked idly at the air.

Jack O'Lantern approached the tiny man and said, "That takes care o' that, eh Fergus?"

"Aye," the fir dhearga answered listlessly.

"Aye," Jack O'Lantern repeated. "Ye said 'aye' when I told ye I'd found that kidnapped baby and ye said 'aye' when I pulled that family's car out o' the Royal Canal, and now I get another 'aye' when I've stopped a burglary. Not very happy for me tonight, are ye, Fergus?"

"No, not very happy at all," Jack O'Lantern's sidekick agreed, his head drooping even lower. "Ah, I can't lie to ye, Danny boy! Ye know what t'morrow is - Oíche Samhain!"

Jack O'Lantern nodded at the faerie words for Hallowe'en. "So it is."

"And ye know that the walls that sep'rate Faerie from Earth get stretched thin on that night."

"Fergus, every child who goes guisin' knows it," Jack O'Lantern sighed.

"But what ye DON'T know is that once every hundred Oíche Samhain, the Faerie folk will banish a troublemaker from their land, push 'em right through those thin, thin walls," Fergus explained. "Push 'em o'er to Earth and make 'em the big folks' problem."

"And a hundred Samhains have come'n gone?" Jack O'Lantern guessed.

"Tis true," Fergus nodded.

"So there'll be a bit more mischief this Pooky Night, then? Ye fear I'll be hit wi' a rotten egg or two?"

"No!" the fir dhearga leapt to his feet and faced his human friend, his voice growing higher and higher pitched. "Tis no mere mischief that leads ta faerie banishin'! Do ye think ol' Fergus would be so sad if somethin' were only goin' t'tie elf-knots in your hair? The worst o' the worst be comin'!"

"Who?" Jack O'Lantern asked. Fergus said nothing, looking down at the roof forlornly. "Ye know who it is, don't ye?"

"Uallgarg," Fergus finally said.

"And who might he be?"

Fergus looked up at Jack O'Lantern, panic-stricken. "Uallgarg the Terrible! Uallgarg the Wicked! Uallgarg the Remorseless! Soon t'be Uallgarg the Destroyer o' Dublin!"

"Easy, Fergus, easy," Jack O'Lantern tried to placate his wee companion. "No matter how wicked an' terrible, I'm sure I can handle a lone faerie. I've got the Faerie Queen's lantern, haven't I?"

Fergus was far from reassured. "Uallgarg knows the lantern, Danny. Knows its magic powers. Used t'be his, they did."

Jack O'Lantern felt far from reassured himself.

Daniel Cormac woke on October 31st with no appetite, but forced himself to eat some eggs with his morning tea. He ate dinner at noon and supper at six, just as the sun was going down. If he were to meet his end fighting a faerie monster, he would do it with a full stomach.

He thought about calling on Superman, or possibly the Global Guardians, to aid him against the impending faerie terror. Superman was vulnerable to the supernatural, however, and Uallgarg was a creature of magic. And the Global Guardians would surely have their own crises to deal with in their respective countries on a night when the boundaries between the physical world and the spiritual were at their weakest. Daniel resolved himself to face the banished evil-doer alone.

As twilight faded into night, Daniel garbed himself in his green and purple uniform and flew into the darkness as Jack O'Lantern. On the streets below him, children ran and laughed, dressed in costumes that made them appear to be werewolves or pirates or alien spacemen. Bonfires burned in some sections of the city, and happy revelers gathered around them with madly frenetic shadows stretching out behind. In the sky above, fireworks burst in bright thunder and then crackled and faded in showers of light.

Jack O'Lantern patrolled his beloved homeland, his thoughts dark. He felt certain that every lad masquerading as a skeleton was the Angel of Death. At one point he convinced himself that he saw the Ban-Tuath-Caecha themselves, but when he landed in a dark alley to observe the "women blind in the left eye" he realized they were only three teenage girls in convincing hag costumes. As the night stretched on, Jack O'Lantern began to wonder if Fergus had pranked him with his tales of a remorseless destroyer faerie. Then, like a dreadful gust of freezing wind, a blood-curdling shriek split the night.

Jack O'Lantern took flight and speared through the air toward the sound of the terrified scream, which was quickly being joined by a multitude of fearful cries. Soon he could see the cause. A carved pumpkin was doing two things no carved pumpkin had any right to do: growing larger and larger each second, and moving its carved face in contortions of rage. The pumpkin swelled to a height of six feet, then twelve, then twenty, then forty. Its candlelit eyes narrowed and widened, while its mouth full of fangs like giant thorns twisted and snapped.

"So, it's to be jack-o-lantern versus Jack O'Lantern, is it?" the Irish adventurer said to himself. He gripped his magic lamp tightly as he flew closer to the enormous pumpkin head.

"Uallgarg has arrived, pitiful Celts!" the monstrosity bellowed, rattling the windows in buildings for blocks around. "The fir dhearga have cast me out, to take what I will from this world!"

"You'll be takin' a ride, you will," Jack O'Lantern retorted, projecting a sparkling coruscation from his weapon. The magical light fell on the splotchy orange surface of Uallgarg's gourd-form, but failed to teleport the giant anywhere.

"So, the mortal bequeathed a mocking shade of my power reveals himself!" Uallgarg roared with grim satisfaction. "My first victory in this world shall be your demise, pest!" The thorn-fanged mouth opened wide, revealing an infernal heart deep with the pumpkin. A colossal gout of flame spewed forth from the deformed jack-o-lantern grin.

Jack O'Lantern barely dodged the fiery outburst, but the tongue of flame continued lashing out and struck the side of a church. The church caught fire, and Uallgarg laughed mercilessly.

Jack O'Lantern rose higher in the air, high enough to see the waters of the River Liffey and turn the eyes of his lantern on it. Hundreds of gallons of river water magically spouted upwards, arced through the air and doused the church. With a petulant hiss, the flames guttered out under the deluge.

Uallgarg rocked back and forth, cackling madly, slowly wobbling down the cobblestone street. Dubliners ran pell-mell, their shouts blending into a nightmarish din, punctuated by the shattering sounds of glass windows exploding as cars were crushed under Uallgarg's rind. Jack O'Lantern finished inspecting the church, making sure its scorched walls were not in danger of collapsing, and turned his attention once again on the faerie destroyer.

The yellow eyes of Jack O'Lantern's magical weapon flared, and the dented bonnets of several demolished cars in Uallgarg's wake tore themselves loose from the mangled chassis. The flying metal sheets knifed through the air and struck Uallgarg, piercing his pumpkin skin. They did not slow the rampaging creature down, but the enormous globe rotated to face Jack O'Lantern.

"Pricking my hide does little but annoy me, mortal!" the monster howled.

"Try somethin' a bit more int'resting, then," Jack O'Lantern suggested. Another burst of magic luminosity from his lamp caused the fuel tank of a half-flattened car to rend itself free and fly straight down the gullet of Uallgarg. In the otherworldly heat of the grotesquerie's heart, the petrol exploded.

Uallgarg belched greasy flames and smoke, but seemed otherwise unperturbed by the sudden internal combustion. "Perdition's flames hold no fear for Uallgarg, little fool! Your man-made fires even less!"

"Grand," Jack O'Lantern muttered, desperately looking around for another weapon to use against the bloated orange abomination. The street was full of debris knocked off the facades of buildings, but nothing substantial enough to damage the leviathan pumpkin head.

In the nearby church tower, the weathered bells began to ring an old melody, signaling they would soon toll the hour. Jack O'Lantern landed on the middle of the street and held his lamp high over his head, waiting for the first stroke of midnight.

BONG ...

Pure, scintillating faerie magic poured forth from the lantern in a furious white-hot beam.

BONG ...

The magic bolt struck Uallgarg directly between his hollow, triangular eyes.

BONG ...

Uallgarg rocked backwards from the impact.

BONG ...

Jack O'Lantern lowered his lantern to his side, its yellow gaze dimming.

BONG ...

Uallgarg rocked forward, his eyeholes warping into narrow slashes.

BONG ...

"Rightly should you have heeded my words, mortal! The Faerie Queen's gift to you was once mine!" Uallgarg snarled.

BONG ...

"Well do I know its vigor, and well do I know that its potency is greatest at the first stroke of midnight!" the banished fir dhearga continued.

BONG ...

"Once per night, at the twelfth hour, I may summon such strength, and stand fast against what the Faerie Queen stole from me!"

BONG ...

A prodigious vine unwound itself from the thick stem atop Uallgarg, darting towards Jack O'Lantern like a bright green snake.

BONG ...

"Your power fades with every moment now! By the time night becomes day becomes night again, and your paltry tin lantern once again knows its full fortitude, this city will already be ashes, and I will once again have the power to thwart you!" Uallgarg boasted.

BONG ...

The animate vine wound itself around Jack O'Lantern with ferocious speed, encircling his neck like a noose, crushing his limbs in a vise-like coil, delivering Daniel Cormac into a deep, dark nothingness.

BONG ...

"Danny! Danny boy! Up wit' ye!"

Jack O'Lantern came around to find Fergus standing on his chest. The foot-high creature hopped from one foot to the other atop the withered, blackened remains of the vine hanging limply around Jack O'Lantern's body. Jack O'Lantern raised himself on his elbows to better look at his diminutive ally.

"Oh, Danny, I'm so sorry," the fir dhearga said. "I shouldn't've left ye in such a time o' need. I was just so frightened o' the very thought o' Uallgarg roamin' the streets! But now I realize that hidin' from 'im doesn't mean he's makin' any less of a terrible mess! We've got to stop 'im!"

"What time is it?" Jack O'Lantern asked, only slightly groggily.

"Quarter-to-one," Fergus answered. "Sure an' your lantern isn't as bright now as 'twere forty-five minutes ago, but it's still plenty …"

"Quarter-to-one," Jack O'Lantern repeated, rising to his feet. Fergus jumped off his friend's chest, looking up at the hero expectantly. Without a word, Jack O'Lantern flew off, disappearing in the darkness beyond the rooftops.

"Wrong way, Danny!" Fergus piped up desperately. "Uallgarg went t'other … Danny?" It was too late, as Jack O'Lantern was far out of earshot. Fergus stared after him in disbelief, then rolled up his sleeves resolutely. "Right. S'pose I deserve that, letting ye down once. Won't happen again." The tiny man flew through the air in the direction he knew Uallgarg would be found, following a trail of wreckage and fires.

Soon Fergus was skimming over the top of the Front Arch at Trinity College, or at least the mangled remains of the university's entranceway. He found Uallgarg sitting in the middle of a rubble-strewn Parliament Square, bloated like a festering orange wart.

Fergus glided in front of Uallgarg's carved face. "Ye may've been the Balefire of Fae, ya gob, but ye won't be burnin' down Dublin!" the mite yelled.

Uallgarg's grin widened; each thorny fang was longer than Fergus's entire body. "I cannot be stopped, insignificant one!" A torrent of fire burst through the sharp wooden teeth, and Fergus flitted away.

The wee man yanked off his pointed red cap, which had been charred by Uallgarg's breath. Tossing the hat aside, Fergus flew toward Uallgarg and punched the pumpkin head as hard as he could with his miniscule fist.

Uallgarg guffawed malevolently. Fergus threw more punches, which only seemed to increase Uallgarg's delight. When the fir dhearga was exhausted, he slumped to broken ground. The grinning maw of Uallgarg loomed over him, and a distant clock tower chimed the lone, forlorn strike of one.

Despite the massive pumpkin head before him and the smoke swirling through the night air, Fergus noticed what looked like a shooting star in the sky above. Rather than flaring briefly and disappearing, the shooting star grew larger and larger, plummeting down toward Parliament Square. Fergus awakwardly scrambled backwards as a titanic and effervescent column of brightness squashed Uallgarg from above.

Mushy fragments of orange and yellow flew through the air in all directions from the impact crater. The vegetable shards splattered the grounds and quickly began to liquefy into brownish goo. For a few seconds the diabolical fire that had burned in Uallgarg's heart rose into the sky with a wordless but defiant outcry, but the flames receded. With no shell to brace within, the flames were soon extinguished in the cold wind.

Fergus wiped rotten muck from his astonished eyes. The Square seemed eerily silent with the cessation of Uallgarg's taunts and laughter. Blocks away, fire engines made their way to the sites the worst fires set by Uallgarg on his rampage, but in the middle of Trinity College campus, all was peaceful.

As Fergus clambered to his feet, Jack O'Lantern descended from the starry heavens, the eyeholes of his lamp streaming golden mystical energy. "Danny!" Fergus exclaimed. "Where've ye BEEN?"

"Greenland," Jack O'Lantern said with a smirk that could not be mistaken despite his full face mask.

"Fine time t'be world travelin', boy!" the fir dhearga admonished.

"Ah, 'twasn't a sight-seein' trip, Fergus," Jack O'Lantern insisted. "I just needed another midnight."

"What?" Fergus asked.

"Uallgarg made sure t'let me know he could face down m'lantern once a day, an' he did it at midnight. Midnight Dublin time, o'course. When ye woke me I flew quick as I could to Greenland, where the clocks're all an hour behind Ireland. At the stroke o' the witchin' hour, I sent another faerie magic how-do-ye-do back to Uallgarg."

"Clocks an hour b'hind …" Fergus repeated, his pixie voice a mixture of incomprehension and incredulity.

"Ye think too much like a faerie, Fergus," Jack O'Lantern said sympathetically. "Ye and Uallgarg both. Might be why the Faerie Queen thinks naught o' sendin' her problem children here. She knows human wits'll find a way to win out in the end."

"Mayhap, Danny boy. Mayhap," Fergus agreed. "I hope her intentions're as fine as alla that. But as ye say, humans an' faeries have diff'rent ways o' thinkin' about things."

Jack O'Lantern had no ready answer for that, and was too tired to come up with one. He beckoned Fergus up onto his shoulder, and the fir dhearga happily clambered up. Jack O'Lantern rose up from the ground and flew toward home.

END

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ah, a chance to write dialogue in ridiculous accents and depict giant monsters on the loose. My kinda story! Hope everyone was amused by it. Uallgarg is neither a traditional Celtic figure of myth nor an existing DC villain - I just made him up. Jack O'Lantern and Fergus are existing characters, of course. Any other references to Samhain. Fairies, or Ireland in general were researched online and may or may not be accurate. Happy Hallowe'en!!!